I smell Cinnamon rolls…

I am sitting here all by myself, drinking and typing. This could be trouble.

I was reading a style magazine (ewww) that told me leggings are back. Excuse me? They are back? What, exactly does that mean… The only explanation is there is a rip in the space time continuum that is warping all of our minds to think we look good in leggings. Because, seriously, we don’t. We never did, and we never will.

I’m sorry, let me explain myself. By “we” I mean anyone who is not a size zero, or alternately anyone who has a sense of style.

Why is it that just because celebreties are all wearing the ugliest clothes they can find, suddenly it’s the new hot look? They don’t look good, they just all look equally stupid.

I went to the doctor last week because I have big hands. Wait a minute…that sounds wrong. But it is so true. For some unknown reason my hands are swollen so much that I cannot wear my wedding ring, or any rings for that matter. I can’t even get them over my knuckles anymore. So I went to the doc and he took some of my precious (and delicious) blood so he could drink it find out what’s wrong with me.

Did you ever lick a spot of blood from a cut or something, then wonder what it would be like to actually drink a glass of it? No? Me either.

Alrighty then.

I am at two with nature.

It sure has been a while since I have blogged. Boy do I suck.

Well, I don’t have much to say really. The Boy is going to stay with his Nanny and Pappy until August 18th, so that’s news. Other than that, not a damn thing is going on around here.

Because I am lacking in my amazing and delicious writings I am going to do a meme. Shut up.

Tagged (sort of) by Robin at PENSIEVE

1. The book nearest me – The Adventures of Tom Sawyer.

2. Stretch out your left arm, what do you touch? – The door in my living room.

3. Last thing watched on television? – Atomic Betty.

4. Without looking what time is it? 2:00 pm

5. What is the actual time? 2:30…oops, lost a little time there

6. With the exception of the computer what can you hear? Music in the kitchen, the movie Jingle All the Way and The Boy yammering on and on…..and on.

7. When did you last step outside? About 10 this morning I took out the garbage.

8. Before this survey what did you look at? The floor, my hands, the computer screen, The Boy, PENSIEVE.

9. What are you wearing? – Pink t-shirt and jeans. By the by, the jeans are blue, not pink.

10. Did you dream last night? – Yes, it was strange but I can’t remember it exactly.

11. When did you last laugh? – This morning. The Boy and I had some talks and he made me laugh.

12. What is on the walls in the room? – A wall hanging of Sunflowers that we picked up at a flea market, a Coca-Cola sign my father gave me and the top of a coffee table.

13. Seen anything weird lately? – Everything I see and do is weird.

14. What do you think of this quiz? – Pretty neat, too bad I am borrrrrrring.

15. What is the last film you saw? – I just watched Willow again last night. Man I love that movie.

16. Tell me something we don’t know – Once when I was 15 or 16 I accidentally set my hand on fire.

17. If you could change one thing about the world, what would you do? – Feed everyone.

18. Do you like to dance? – Yes, too bad I look like Elaine from Seinfeld…only worse.

19. George Bush? – No thanks.

20. Imagine your first child is a girl – Ok. Now what?

21. Imagine your first child is a boy – He is, and boy is he a pain. hardehar.
22. Would you consider living abroad? – Yes! I would love to. France, Greece, England.

23. What would God say to you when you reach the pearly gates? – Hi there, how was the trip? You hungry?

I’m not tagging anyone today, if you want to do it more power to ya.

 

I feel a very unusual sensation – if it is not indigestion, I think it must be gratitude. – Benjamin Disraeli

Thank you Tink!

The other day I received an excellent package in the mail. I had won a contest given by Tink and she sent me my prize of a homemade CD. Plus some Candy! Yay for candy! So I got ear candy and regular candy… oh Tink how did you know that one of my favourite things is candy?!

The bag of red blobs was a tad frightening at first. I could not tell what it was for the life of me… so I bravely opened it to discover gummi worms! Or rather what I think were alligators, but what sweet relief to discover my favourite food group and not a congealed heart.
Whew.

Also, The Boy was extremely happy to see candy in the mail and wondered at this anomaly for quite some time. He and I enjoyed everything immensely. He has also laid claim to the Bud Light keychain… interesting.

A great big shout out to Tink, thanks so much, everything is great

Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives. William Dement

I love to dream. I love talking about dreams, trying to figure out what they mean… I think dreams are important. I also love to day dream, talking about “what ifs”. Feel free to explain my dreams or tell me yours in the comments

When I was younger I had a recurring dream. I could never remember it when I woke up, I was just left with the sense I had dreamed that before.

However there are a couple dreams that I remember vividly from when I was small. In one I am helping my dad build a model car when he asks me to go to the closet and get another kit. When I open the door a skeleton reaches out and yanks me inside. The whole closet is dark but the skeleton is bright white and is all I can see. I never felt afraid, the skeleton just held me for a bit then let me out of the closet. When I came out I sat on my fathers lap and very matter of fact told him there was a skeleton in the closet. And that was that.

Another one that really did scare me was my grandmothers face in the dark. Just her face, and she was smiling when suddenly her skin began to melt away, her hair turned to snakes and all her teeth fell out. It took me a few weeks before I could look my grandma in the eye after that.

On a much lighter note, I had a dream the other morning before work. I kept hitting the snooze button and I had a dream that The Hubband was telling me I was going to be late for work. So when the alarm went off again, I got up!

My dreams for my life are vast and important to keep me on track. I have so many dreams that I want to fulfill. The first and most important for now is getting a house. I am sick and tired of renting! Argh.

So what are your dreams? What have you dreamed lately?

115284038521627489

Stop staring at me!

Sign Sign everywhere a sign, Blocking out the scenery breaking my mind, Do this, don’t do that, can’t you read the sign.

Time once again for the Saturday Photo Hunt! This week the theme is Signs.The Hubband works in a restaurant and when they are getting rid of old items he sometimes gets to bring them home. This is how we get odd things for our house.

One of these things is a Labatt Sign that we put up outside in our patio.

Happy Photo Hunting! Did you play?

Gimme head with hair, Long beautiful hair, Streaming, flaxen, waxen.

I have been increasingly annoyed with my hair recently. I regret to say that I had the beginnings of a …. mullet.

Ewwwww.

So I asked my good friend Joan to come to my rescue.
“Give me a haircut or give me death!”
She was worried about cutting my hair, you know a girls hair is her crowning glory. But I had total faith in her hair cutting abilities. I just knew she would do a good job. And she did.

Here for your viewing pleasure, my before shot -

 

And my After -

We also dyed my hair, isn’t that special. Aren’t I the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?

Even cuter than a bag of puppies.

Great job Joan, I’ll be your first client when you open your hair salon!

SPF 07/07/06 – Wedding Edition

First I would like to send good vibes and well wishes out to Kristine and Shaun for their wedding – Tomorrow! Have a great day you guys This week for SPF, Kristine wanted to see -
1. Your Love (show us some love)
2. Take us on a Honeymoon! (bring us somewhere with your pictures)
3. Something Blue (No sad faces before my wedding!)

I went digging through my archives for this week and let me tell you there are slim pickings there! I just recently got a digital camera so most of my photos are *gasp* real. And I don’t have a scanner, so short of me holding them up to the screen, you ain’t gonna see ‘em.

Time to drop it like it’s hot.

My Love

My two loves – The Hubband and The Boy doing something they love – flying a kite.

Honeymoon in a photo

Our honeymoon consisted of one night in a B&B – sorry no pictures

This is a photo I took at my family reunion, in Clinton, Maine. I just love the shot and it makes me want to go back and visit every time I see it.

Something Blue

I love the colour blue so one would think it would be easy to find pictures of blue things. Apparently that is not the case. I found a few pictures of the sky and water but wanted to do something different. This is a picture of a jellyfish in the harbour that I tinted blue. The picture, not the jellyfish. hee hee.

Did you play? Go on, it’s fun!

Where have all the good people gone?

I have been trying to get The Boy in to a Daycare since last year. It was really tough, they are booked solid everywhere, and we are on a 2 year waiting list for our top pick! Ack. However I had a babysitter who was willing to work until I found a Daycare. Yay.

At the beginning of the summer, when I went back to work, I told her that I would need her 3 days a week and would only use her until I could get The Boy into a Daycare. She said she was fine with this arrangement.

Fast forward a few weeks, I find a Daycare. It is a home Daycare, but has all the elements I was looking for – more kids for The Boy to interact with, more structure and disipline, lots of outdoor play, (This Daycare has a fenced in park!) and a woman who The Boy absolutely adores. When we went to meet her The Boy didn’t want to leave! He cried. I mean how great is this that he WANTS to go to the Daycare!? I’ll tell you, its awesome.

So this Daycare doesn’t do weekends. Bummer. My Babysitter does. Yay.

So I have my schedule all set up.
Monday – The Boy is with Me every other Monday and in Daycare the rest.
Tuesday – The Boy is with The Hubband.
Wednesday – The Hubband.
Thursday – Daycare.
Friday – Me.
Saturday – Babysitter.
Sunday – Me every other Sunday and the babysitter the rest.

Well, the first week this takes effect I call the babysitter on Friday night to make sure she remembers we are still on for Saturday. This is the moment when she decides to tell me she will no longer be working for me.
Her reasons…
- I had guaranteed her 4 – 5 days a week work and she turned down another full time gig because of me. – I’m sorry, no. I never guaranteed her anything, and it’s her own fault she didn’t tell me about this other gig cause she should have taken it!
- This Daycare is just a home worker like her. – So that makes it not valid somehow?
- I am just using her for weekends because the Daycare won’t do them. – DUH! You’re a babysitter, it’s your job!
- If she works only weekends she won’t be able to do stuff with her own kids. - Ok, so before you were babysitting The Boy on Thursday, Saturday and Sunday with no complaints, suddenly now it makes a difference?

So can someone explain to me why she would quit when all the reasons she gave were bogus? I mean if you don’t like me, or just don’t want to babysit, say so. Don’t make up excuses.
And on top of all this I still owed her for a day so I sent her a thank you card. A thank you card!? Am I retarded?

Well Thanks for nothing, cause now I am royally fucked on weekends.

I don’t even know what street Canada is on. – Al Capone

Its Canada Day!

Originally called Dominion Day, the name was changed to Canada Day on October 27th 1982.

This year we are celebrating our 139th birthday.

We just got back from the waterfront fireworks show. It was awesome

In honour of this special day here are some quotes about Canada -

 

-In any world menu, Canada must be considered the vichyssoise of nations, it’s cold, half-French, and difficult to stir. – Stuart Keate

-What is a Canadian? A Canadian is a fellow wearing English tweeds, a Hong Kong shirt and Spanish shoes, who sips Brazilian coffee sweetened with Philippine sugar from a Bavarian cup while nibbling Swiss cheese, sitting at a Danish desk over a Persian rug, after coming home in a German car from an Italian movie… and then writes his Member of Parliament with a Japanese ballpoint pen on French paper, demanding that he do something about foreigners taking away our Canadian jobs. – Anonymous

-Canadians have been so busy explaining to the Americans that we aren’t British, and to the British that we aren’t Americans that we haven’t had time to become Canadians. – Helen Gordon McPherson

-I’m not an American! I am a Canadian. I come from a “nice”, thoroughly unrealistic country. – Matthew Fisher

-We Canadians live in a blind spot about our identity. We have very strong feelings about who we aren’t but only weak ones about who we are. We’re passionate about what we don’t want to become but oddly passive about what we should be. – John Cruickshank (in McLean’s Magazine)

-The huge advantage of Canada is its backwardness. – Marshall McLuhan

Carnival!

Great Grandmothers Overcoat!

The Blogging Chicks are having a Carnival today! You must go check it out…. do it, do it now I was supposed to be participating but I am a moron and forgot. Yeah, freaking moron.

Anyhoo, those who did participate have some awesome posts for us to read, so get on over there are find out what makes the blogging chicks tick.

That’s where I’m headed. Follow me and we will see….

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.

The Boy is driving me completely insane. He has entered the lovely phase “I won’t listen to anything you say and will scream all day”. Delightful. Abso-fucking-lutly deelightful.
He has also decided that he will scream while he is laughing. The most annoying sound on the planet? A small child scream-laughing. Ow.
The other day he didn’t want to come inside, he wanted to stay in the car. Ok, I picked him up and tried to carry him inside. I stress tried. He squirmed so much I lost my grip and he fell and hit his head on the door. Way to go Mom.

I guess I won’t be getting that “Mother of the Year” award.

Today we went for a drive to run a couple of errands. I promised The Boy a treat if he would be quiet while I talked to someone. He screeched the entire time we were there, then tried to jump down every step on our way out. I picked him up and he freaked out the whole way to the car. I then informed him we would not be getting a treat and he would go straight to bed when we got home. So he rewarded me with a screaming rendition of “I want my treat!”, “We can’t go home! Home is bad!” and ” Don’t say no! No is yucky!”.

Can someone take him until he is 18, at which point I can release him into the wild?

BQotD from Chookooloonks
*Eventually I recovered (because you never want to show fear to someone who you think may be possessed), and I smiled at her and told her I was fine, and then she smiled back at me, and then she licked my shoulder.*

Say hey, good lookin’. what ya got cookin’? How’s about cooking somethin’ up with me?

Well it is officially May 31st, the day my life was ruin….I mean enriched.

For those of you not in the know, back in the terrifying year of 1985 on this very day- the spawn of Gucci was born.

My little sister.

I remember going to the hospital with my dad and bringing a toy for my new baby sis. I can’t remember for sure what it was, a bunny? a lamb? a carnivorous earwig? Really it is all a blur.

I do remember not liking this wiggly, dark haired “thing” that was taking up so much of MY parents time.

I eventually got over this…seriously like last week, and decided that in honour of her birthday I would do a layout for my album.

The year I went to college, Laine gave me an 8 x 10 school picture of herself. (Does anyone else think this is weird? You do? Good I thought it was just me.) Anyhoo, she treated it just like a wallet photo and wrote on the back.
This is what it said-

Sis,

I thought it would be nice of you to frame this photo in your apartment so all your semi-cute guy friends would think there might be hope for you yet!! hehe just kidding son! Anyway it would be greatly appreciated if you ever so kindly took this large photo off my hands so I wouldn’t have to be concerned with it! I think you have a lot of learning to do about the birds and the bees and if you ever need to talk about feminine itch please feel free to come to me with all your problems. I am pretty mature about adult issues, but hey I’m sure you of all people know that about me! Just think this is my last school picture for ever and ever amen. I can’t control that like I control everything else!! hehe I am eagerly awaiting your departure from my home and also the end of this pic, you would be surprised the effort I am pouring into this little number! Don’t forget me, get me a fake ID and remember to practice safe meat cutting, I don’t want you coming down with anything!!!

Love Always Little Sis

Anyway I took that picture and made this layout.

I printed the words she wrote out on vellum and put that over her pic so the sheer greatness of it won’t blind me anymore.

I made it so you could lift the vellum and look directly at the pic, that is if you want your eyes to melt right out of their sockets…

Ribbon!

Happy Birthday Laine, I can’t believe you are finally 13.

BQotD from mr. nice guy

*i am a scrawny white translucent honky cracker ronald mcdonald carrot-top golem albino crybaby. the sun and i? we are not on speaking terms.*

For years I thought the sun was a monster. But I am here to tell you that it’s not a monster! IT’S NOT A MONSTER!

I have a couple of things to say today…

Firstly –

I want to pump…You Up! This is The Boy’s signature pose… don’t mess with the best!

Secondly -

Remember a while back when I wrote about my old landlord, who wouldn’t give us our damage deposit back? I’m not sure if I mentioned this but I went to the Rentalsman and filed a claim at the end of April. I hadn’t heard anything about it so I called them a couple of days ago and they said that they were holding off on filing the claim and that I would hear from them by the 31st. Oh really…. Well guess what I saw in the mail today?

That’s right – A Check for the full Amount! HA HA HA! Boo-Ya Baby!

Victory is mine!

And for today, because I am supremely happy, TWO BQotD! Aren’t you excited? Thrilled even? I know, I am ama-za-zing.

BQotD # 1 from Chookooloonks

*I realized that cellulite is slowly eating my entire body, and my ass is continuing its death march down the back of my legs.*

BQotD # 2 from NBR

*How come the products I always end up spilling on myself are ones that smell horrible?*

Up to the highest height!

Earlier this week The Hubband, The Boy and I went to the park for a picnic and some kite flying. Here are some pictures for your viewing enjoyment. See all the fun we had… do you? Do you see it? Look at all the fun. Wow.

BQotD from fourfour
*Note that he used to be called “Crazy.” I love that! I mean, I concur wholeheartedly, I just wonder what he was like as a kitten to earn that name.*

Inconceivable!

So I have discovered that Blogger seems to think my blog is a spam blog.

How nice.

They define a spam blog as one that can be recognized by their irrelevant, repetitive, or nonsensical text, along with a large number of links, usually all pointing to a single site.

Well if I thought my writing sucked before, I sure do now, what with my obviously irrelevant, repetitive and nonsensical text.

Blogger also says this about spam blogs – They may scrape content from other sites on the web, using other people’s writing to make it look as though they have useful information of their own.

Well the only thing I ever take from other blogs is the BQotD. Therefore I must be a spam blog because I think other people are funny and want to recognize them.

Bad Shna.

What a way to make a blogger feel good.

Saying that my blog is a spam blog is tantamount to saying “Hey there blogger, you suck.”

Thanks so much.

And just to tell blogger to shove it, here is the BQotD from The Sarcastic Journalist
*Number of times my child vomited on me due to the anesthesia: 2
Number of times she vomited total: 4*

Everybody loves you. Pisses me off.

I would just like to give a shout-out to my home girl Kim Possible and her “bang”ed* husband. They are celebrating a zillion years of marital bliss. I would like you to know I did not forget about the very important date. I simply chose to post my well wishes here instead of calling you, so there. I am stressing that fact – I did not forget.

The check is in the mail.
I gave at the office.
Sorry, I can’t spare any change.

* This is something that refers to a very unfortunate haircut the husband received that Kim and I made fun of mercilessly. Ha.

And just because its a special day….
a second BQotD from mr. nice guy
*we don’t love our baby enough for mylar. also, when latex balloons deflate, they make festive condoms.*

*(extra bonus points for you, Kim if you can tell me where that title quote comes from)*

Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it.

It is time once again for an installment of
“What milestone, that only people with children will appreciate, did Shna’s son finally reach?”

Welcome, and thank you for coming.

The Boy is now wearing….

Drum roll please…

Big Boy Underpants!

Aren’t you jumping for joy? Standing ovations anyone?

The Boy and I went out the other day to buy his first pair of Big Boy Underpants. Yes, that is what we must call them. The Boy would actually prefer Underwear-pants, but he will settle for Underpants. We had to buy Spider-Man underpants, no others would do. Of course they are the most expensive ones out there, but only the best for my baby. Seriously, if anyone out there has a more cost effective way to get Spider-man underpants, please tell me.
So he has been wearing them all day and actually telling us when he has to go potty, and then actually goes to the potty! What a breakthrough! Before he would tell us he had to go, but when we took off the diaper he had already done the deed….ewww.
He is still sleeping in diapers, but he had a nap today in his underpants and no accidents, YAY!

That’s All Folks!

BQotD from Mama Sutra
*Such a lovely image to have as you cool a bottle for your baby…screaming hummingbirds.*

You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die.

BQotD from Mitchieville

*Forget the pageants, forget the dirty commie that stole your precious crown, there is only me and you left.*

Beauty is skin deep. A tattoo goes all the way to the bone.

Here it is the moment you’ve been waiting for! I will finally show you my brand new tattoo… Isn’t this special?

I designed a dragon tattoo for the Hubband, I scaled it down, reworked it and added a stylized lowercase “d” to the tail.

That is how this -

Became this -

That is super amazing isn’t it? Fantastic even. Its okay to be jealous…

On a completely different note, I watched Grey’s Anatomy last night and I’ll I can say is “Wha…?”

BQotD from Random and Odd
*And this is the post where I sound mature, but later at dinner I’m probably going to pat my ex’s stomach and ask him when he’s due.*

Ohh, the anger sharks are swimming in my head!

I hate blogger.

I want to upload some pictures but the bloggy blogger will not let me!

ArrrrrgggggGGRArrggaarggaarggggAAArrrgg.

BQotD from Ramblings of an Undisturbed Mind
*Even more reason for you to love and support him. Maybe you can start a support group for the owners of gay roosters. Gay Cock Support Group*

The Blogging Chicks

Hey everybody! First of all Happy Mothers Day to all you mudders out dere!
I am now a card carrying member of the Blogging Chicks Blogroll! Well actually there aren’t any cards but you get the idea. Its right under my blogroll so go check it out, and if you are a chick, sign up.
Do it. Do it now!

Damn you ice cream, come to my mouth! How dare you disobey me!

So my sister ( the younger one ) called me today, only to have me call her right back, then proceeded to give me a pep talk about how I need to lose weight.
Thanks.

BQotD from WWTDD
* They could run into a burning house to rescue a puppy who grants wishes and I would still throw a rock at their head when they crossed the front porch. *

The woman must bear children and the man must be tattooed.

A post about Tattoos.

I have always been fascinated by tattoos. My mother has 3 tiny dots, all failed attempts at actually getting a tattoo. For as a long as I can remember I have wanted one.
The summer I was 17, about a week before school started my friend JBone and I went to get tattoos. That morning we had been talking about them and I thought we should just bite the bullet and go. I told my parents that I was going to get a tattoo and they just laughed.
I had a car, we had money, and we were both equipped with a healthy sense of adventure. We had to drive an hour to get to the “big city”. Once we got there we realized that we couldn’t find the tattoo place! So we called them from the car and talked to a guy who told us the correct street and that he would be “the skinny bastard” standing on the corner. Off we went, we see a guy who could be our man, so we yell out the window “Hey! Are you the skinny bastard?”
He smiles, turns away and walks to the parlor.
We park and make our way in. Once there we realize that we are not legal age for this and for sure we do not have parental consent. What are we to do?
We talk to the skinny bastard, who turns out to be the piercer, who doesn’t ask for ID but gives us the forms and turns away while we fill them out.
There we are, JBone and I, trying to figure out what year we need to be born for this to work…should we just go one year back? After all I am 17. But wait, JBone is actually 16, her birthday is not till September. We stand there debating whether it would be more realistic to go one year or two and finally settle on one for me and two for JBone because she looks older anyway.
Then the decision…what to get? JBone has an idea already she just needs to pick a design, but I have come unprepared. I start to look at the designs and am immediately struck by one.
In art class the previous year we had held an art show where we had to post our names by our work. I had printed mine from the computer but wanted something to go with it. I looked through a few art books and found a couple of pictures that I liked, one of which was a frog.
I saw that same frog on the wall at the tattoo parlour that day.
We got our tattoos and went away saying that we were satisfied, that was all we needed.
Fast forward to now when we have 7 between us, and plans for many more.

That long story leads up to a question.

• Do you, my loverly reader, have any tattoos?
• Why did you get them?
• Do you want more?

Please do tell!

BQotD from Shatnerian
*Mmm…bacteria*

Every night he’d say that. “Good night Wesley. Sleep well. I’ll most likely kill you in the morning.”

Things that no one needs, or wants, to know but that I have a burning desire to tell.

I have always been somewhat of a night owl, I like being awake when everything is quiet. Now it has taken on a whole new level of crazy. I have been unable to fall asleep until the wee hours of the morning. Yesterday I went to bed at 3:30 am! That’s madness.
I am too old for this shit.
I don’t even know why I am staying up so late. I mean, if I sleep in the odds are I will be up late, but even when I get up early (as I did today) I find myself still awake and posting to my damn blog at 1:00 in the morning.

My eating habits are atrocious, not that they were great to begin with, but now I am eating less food in general and more junk when I do. I actually have had at least two days this past week where I didn’t eat anything until supper time. Nothing. I didn’t even feel hungry – Me! Not hungry!
Then yesterday I had chips for breakfast. The breakfast of champions I tell ya.

The Boy is driving me insane. He is the king of back talk.

My sister ( the younger, more tanned one) met Willie Nelson the other day. She thinks she is the hot shit now.
Truth be told she thought that about herself before, now she just has something else to rave about.

Our apartment has had three leaks since we moved in, two of those in the span of one week. Leak number one – on our bed. Leak number two – on my scrapping supplies in the living room. Leak number three – on our bed. Again. Let me just say -FUCK.

I like the show Ghost Whisperer. I know, I am going to Jennifer Love Hell, but I can’t help it. I watched the season finale and I did not like it. How can you kill off one of the main characters?! How is this allowed? I am NOT impressed.

BQotD from Ms. Sisyphus
*This year she allows a complete stranger to squirt drugs up her nose.*

If I had a million dollars

I would buy you a green dress, but not a real green dress – that’s cruel!

BQotD from not martha
*Yes, his first act as a homeowner was to make our place dangerous for children.*

Done and done.

Update for May 1st 2006 All items in tiny print have been crossed off!

2006 – 30 Things to do this year – In no particular order

1. Paint a portrait of my son, husband, self or all three.
2. Go on a drive in an area near me that I don’t know well. Explore. Throw the map out the window. – Went today with The Boy and my friend Jbone. We went Letterboxing (fun!) and drove all over the place.
3. Take a guided tour of the town where I live.
4. Finish all my scrapbook projects.
5. Make an emergency kit for the car. Include all the essentials: flares, bandages, chocolate.
6. Send Valentine’s cards to all my friends. – Since I completely forgot about V-Day, lets make it Christmas!
7. Make a scrapbook of a memorable occasion — a friend’s wedding, surprise birthday party or just an evening out.
8. Tell a stranger to have a nice day.
9. Make more of my own cards for birthdays, holidays, etc.
10. Re-read my favorite childhood book. (Bonus points for reading it aloud to The Boy.) – I just read my NEW favourite book “Runny Babbit” by Shel Silverstein. And yes I read it to The Boy.
11. Write a thank-you letter to my mother.
12. Spend a whole day doing something fun with The Hubband and the Boy, at a park, the beach or a day trip…whatever stikes our fancy.
13. Clean out my closet; donate everything I haven’t worn in the past year to charity. - When we moved I donated almost all my clothes and tons of other stuff.
14. Take my nieces out for ice cream individually. Listen to their problems and take them as seriously as I would my own.
15. Write in my blog more often….every time I feel like it. – Ha! Doing that right now!
16. Throw a party and invite everyone I really want to be there. Don’t worry about how they’ll all mingle.
17. Donate blood.
18. Forgive someone.
19. Buy a piece from a struggling artist. It could be worth a lot someday.
20. Have my friends over to play board games. – We have our friends Jbone and Nickelback over at least once a month to play games. So awesome.
21. Go bowling.
22. Become more informed about the local political parties.
23. Vote.
24. Apologize more.
25. Take an art class.
26. Take my Sisters out for dinner, just the three of us.
27. Start exercising at least 2 times a week.
28. Eat healthier.
29. Read more. – Oh yeah. Done and Done.
30. Make a list of everything that I’ve done and take myself out to dinner to celebrate my accomplishments.

BQotD From mr. nice guy
*we’ll be sure to mention that her ample form will keep the Gowanus Canal fish happily feasting for a loooong time.*

Ology

When I was a young boy I vowed that I would one day fulfill my dream of becoming a ventriloquist.

Years later when I woke up in the hospital after my surgery I knew that my dream had changed.

My life is now devoted to Xenobiology.

BQotD From JadeGarden
*I think I am getting weirder, if that is possible.*

I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind.

A few things.

I haven’t been posting very much lately and I’m not entirely sure why. I just don’t feel like it I guess. We have been dealing with a few problems that seem to take up all of my energy. They would all make great posts but I feel that I shouldn’t talk about them until they are resolved. I don’t know why, I guess I’m a little superstitious. And just so no one (read- the sisters) freaks out, the problems are not between The Hubband and I or about The Boy.

To all the tattoo whores out there – I will post pics as soon as I have them. Hedder took them on her digital camera and is emailing them to me soon. Ya’ll just have to wait. So there.

That’s all the news (or lack of) for this installment of “Shna’s Boring Life.” Tune in next week when Shna shares the thrilling tale of sausage for breakfast….

BQotD from You Can’t Make It Up
*I’m happy to report that Mr. Seinfeld is not, as I often believed, a huge brain sitting in a jar of formaldahyde. He is, in fact, more put together than I would have guessed (in a lovely suit), and from what I could gather, really likes to chew.*

There must be steroids in Macaroni!

It’s been a few days since my last post and I sincerely apologize to all my adoring fans. Hey wait a minute, my only fan was my sister who now claims to not be related to me. Curious, very curious.

I had a blast in Ontario with the Hedder. We went to St. Catherines and walked, shopped and saw a hot guy at a tattoo place. There is something about a cute tattooist…. I’m not sure. Have you ever seen the show Miami Ink? I would lurve to go there someday and have Ami tattoo me. Oooh baby.

So anyway, we went to Toronto and walked around all day. All. Freaking. Day. It was so much fun. We went to all the neat little shops, wandered around for a while then went to a tattoo place that I cannot for the life of me remember the name of, and I got a tattoo. On my wrist, Let me just say…ouch. Damn that hurt like a sonofabitch! Hedder wanted to get a piercing, but was afraid of what people would think. To which I say “Hedder, I just got a tattoo on my wrist! Damn, who cares what people think!”

Anywho, she decided against it and we moved on. Later that night we went out to eat at Lee, the sister restaurant to Susur named for the Owner and Chef, Susur Lee. This man is (pardon my language) a fucking genius. The food was divine, absolutely fabulous. This is one of those places that you must try at least once. You must.

We went out to the movies, The Benchwarmers and Ice Age: The Meltdown. I don’t much care how it makes me look to say this – I loved The Benchwarmers. It made me laugh so hard throughout that I almost choked and I actually did a spit take. Which was fun in and of itself. We also had an awesome craft day where we made jewelry and we had a couple of shopping days.

Then we went to eat where Hedder works. Yum Yum Pickles. The last time we ate there the staff set us a table in room all by ourselves with a huge bunch of flowers, candles and more wine glasses than I can count. Then proceeded to tell anyone who asked that we were celebrating our Anniversary. So this time they had to out do themselves and out do they did. They sat us in the same room but at a banquet table! Still with the flowers, candles and wine, but we just looked so silly sitting across from each other at this enormous table. The meal was delicious, the company charming, the staff delightful. I highly recommend this establishment.

Hedder took great care of me, because as we all know I cannot look after myself properly, and showed me a fantastic time. Thanks Hedder, and next time you get the body art!

BQotD from WWTDD

*Whatever the truth may be behind why the creepy family chose the name, one thing we can all agree on is that I look fantastic in spring colors.*

ON-TAR-I-AIR-I-AIR-I-O!

I am here, in Hedders Living Room! HA! It seems silly to be here and posting to my blog instead of “hanging” with the Hedder, but that’s what I love about her so much. We can be in the same room, just chilling, not talking but still it’s comfortable. I loves me some Hedder.

We went to see a movie today – Ice Age 2 – The Meltdown. Scrat was the highlight of the film, he made it hilarious. The rest of the movie was pretty good, but Scrat, he takes the nut. We also went to eat at Mandarin, this Chinese buffet place, it was fan-freakin-tastic. I ate till I could eat no more. Ahh, I loves me some buffet. Not as much as Hedder but still.

BQotD from good ole shenuts
*Wow…wonder if we can get some naked people at church?*

A new Post

Hey looky here, it’s a new post.

The Hubband and I went to play Pictionary and “Shout about Movies” with friends yesterday. It was so much fun. We played girls against guys – Team Freaking Awesome vs. Team Loser. We are so very creative. Team Freaking Awesome kicked Team Loser to the curb! They lived up to their name no problem.

Our old landlord called today to tell us we wouldn’t be getting our $350 damage deposit back because we left “4 truckloads” of garbage behind.

Four truckloads!

Really, I find that hard to believe, considering I barely even own enough stuff now to fit in four truckloads. We left behind a couch ( outside ), a few pallets ( in the basement that floods ), some cardboard and bags of trash ( only left inside because the trash cans were full and waiting to be picked up ), and a weight bench ( that only got left behind because The Hubband was too lazy to move it in the first place! ).

So the landlord said we could get our DD if we took care of the garbage, that’s just fine and dandy. The Hubband and I went over and loaded up the van; couch, pallets and assorted garbage. Our friend Joan came over with her car and loaded up her trunk with the rest. The only thing left was the weight bench, so we took 1 van load and 1 car trunk load….hmmm, seems so much less than 4 truckloads. We took all the garbage to the local waste management center where they charged us 10 bucks for the crap, and we sold the weight bench to Cash Converters. We put the garbage cans at the curb and called it a day.

I fail to see how having to pay $10 for garbage disposal translates to not getting our $350 damage deposit back…. but apparently I don’t understand how money works.

BQotD From Mr. Nice Guy
* i turn my back for about 12 seconds and when i turn around again to check on her, she’s standing! do you have any idea how creepy this is? it’s like i’m living in a japanese horror movie. *

Wherein Shna uses her lifetime allotment of exclamation points.

4 Days! Four freaking Days! On Sunday I am flying to see my good buddy Hedder, Oh baby! Do I ever love the exclamation point! It sure is useful for conveying just how excited I am!! Very! Here is a brief outline of the wonder that is my vacation -

• On Sunday I will be on a plane bound for Ontari-ari-ario.
• On Monday I get to meet Phil the guitar instructor, then we are going kick boxing.
• On Tuesday we are going to Toronto to eat, drink and be merry!
• On Wednesday we are going to kick some more boxes! YAY.
• On Thursday we are going out to eat at Hedder’s place of work, look out Swiss Chalet**…..
• Then on Friday I am returning home…booo.

There will be other moments of wild abandon but those are the general points. Somewhere in there we will be going shopping, eating a lot of chocolate, and seeing a movie, but not necessarily at the same time or in that order. So there, that is the most wonderful week in existence! I dare you to top that, Internet. You can’t, because you are not Shna and you are not going to see Hedder, therefore there is nothing better! HA.

On another note this trip will be my first time on a plane alone. It is slightly scary. Large crowds and floating in air in a huge metal box frighten me. Truth be told, so do tiny spiders and heights.

To be sure it’s not the “floating in air” part that really scares me its the crashing and burning part. I gather that would be what frightens most people so I will just suck it up and fly. Besides having someone with me won’t help if we are going to crash. I am so positive aren’t I?

BQotD from The Sarcastic Jounalist

*They usually don’t like it when she sticks her hand down their shirts.*

**Just so you know, Hedder does not work at Swiss Chalet, she works here, I just did that to annoy her, hee hee! Sorry Hedder

I can be quite boring.

The Boy is still at the grandparents house, safe and sound. I have called to talk to him at least once a day since I left him there. I may be missing him. Just a bit. He sounds so different on the phone. He asks me the same questions every time we talk. “What are you doing Mommy?” and “What’s your name?” The latter of which I reply Shna and and then he yells “No, you’re Mommy!” It’s quite a good time.

I am feeling SO much better today, two friends are coming over to drink and play pictionary. Fun times. I really like drinking and pictionary, great times! I freaking love pictionary. I get a little aggressive and playing with me can be dangerous. I have so little to say it’s not even funny. See, that wasn’t the least bit funny.

BQotD from The Mayor
*Laughter truly is the best medicine, well, that and perkodan.*

And God Said …

To follow up with yesterday’s post about whether the pastor thinks that God would approve of cloning – No, he does not think God would approve.

I am not feeling well today, stuffed up and coughing, so I will leave you now with 2 BQotD (because I forgot yesterday, bad Shna.)

BQotD 1 -From Chookooloonks
* ..is it true that by the time you leave the stylist, your head will be round and smooth? Round and smooth like … well, like this coconut, here?*

BQotD 2 -From WWTDD
*it’s kinda weird that the only people who attack other people with champagne bottles are rappers and Joan Collins.*

I left The Boy in San Francisco.

Actually I left him with my parents … for 3 weeks. HA! He is staying there until I return from Ontario. I slept in today and am eating pie for breakfast. Life is good.

I had a good time visiting everyone back home – My Sisters, parents and Gramie. Unfortunately they didn’t give me any good stories, damn them. A friend of mine from High School had a baby that I got to meet. She was so tiny, I couldn’t believe it. Makes you want to have another one, until you go back home to the screeching banshee and decide against it.

10 days until I get to see Hedder! I am about to freak out. Seriously, if I was anymore excited there would me 3 of me. Now that’s a scary thought.

Speaking of cloning ( Oh shut up) When I was at home I went to church with my mommy. The Sunday school teacher wasn’t there so mom started to teach class. Her idea of teaching is to read the entire lesson aloud. That’s it…boring. About 30 seconds into it I couldn’t take it any more so I took over. Ahhhh. I was trying to spark a discussion, so I would read a little then ask questions. All I got were blank stares. The entire lesson consisted almost entirely of me and my mom talking and me trying to get my cousin involved. Then the Pastor came in…. somehow we had got on the topic of whether or not God would approve of Cloning. So I asked the Pastor who just stared at me and said “what’s today’s lesson about?” So I told him “not that, we got a little off topic.” Then I had to close in prayer. The first time I have ever prayed out loud, it was horrible. There you have it – my first (and last) venture into Sunday School Teaching.

This title goes perfectly with the following post.

I don’t know if anyone noticed (or cared for that matter) but all my post titles were quotes from movies and TV. Yeah I know, I am so cool it’s scary. I tried to match the quote to the post, for example -this post was about my anniversary.
So today I was looking for an old post and I couldn’t find it anywhere. Apparently the use of quotes does not help. After this long and agonizing search I have decided that I will try to make my post titles match my posts. If only to help me later when I finally go off the deep end and can’t remember how to spell my name.

I am leaving tomorrow for the land that internet forgot… my parents house. The Boy and I are going to visit mom and pop for the weekend, therefore I won’t be posting until I return sometime on Sunday. I am so very sorry for your loss. However, when I return I will probably have a good story about my parents. They are very good to me in the laughs department.

BQotD from Mitchieville
*Principal T’Lufu explained to me that the three R’s, reading, writing and arithmetic, have been replaced by three new R’s; Racism studies, Religion of Mother Earth, and Respecting anything that doesn’t involve the white man. This is especially good for me, considering that I really hate white people.*

Awesome, oh wow! Like, totally freak me out!

It is 1:30 in the morning and I am not asleep (obviously, because as awesome as you all know I am, I cannot type while sleeping). No, I am wide awake roaming the internet like some deranged homeless person looking for a suitable bench to park myself on for the night. I have read (and re-read) every blog on my blog roll, plus a few that aren’t, and even that didn’t put me to sleep as it usually does. What’s a girl to do? Well if that girl is me (it is – thank god) then that girl stays up till the wee hours of the morning writing a shitty post for her blog. Which brings us here. Welcome to my own private Idaho. Or something like that.

Now that my sister reads my blog I often stop and think about what I am writing. Horror of horrors – me thinking! Anyhooo, I wonder if I should write the swear words and vile things on here because I would never say those things to her. I can’t recall a time that I have even sworn in front of her….(help me out here if you know otherwise!) but then I think that this is my blog, what’s going on in my head. I think these things, so too damn bad if someone has to read them. That should just let people know me better, understand me, because I don’t censor myself as much here as I do in real life.

*And now it’s Story Time-

When I was in high school I had 2 best friends. Joan and Wanita. We did everything together. We laughed, we cried, we farted. It was great. They were both bridesmaids in my wedding, I called their parents “mom” and “dad”. We were family. Joan lives close to me and we are still great friends. She and her boyfriend are like The Boy’s other parents, they love him , he loves them.
3 years ago Wanita met a boy and they started dating. She went through the usual period of new love where you pretty much diss all your friends to be with the new flame. We understood, we’ve all been there. However, Wanita took it farther. It stretched longer and longer until it seemed that the new flame was more important than anything else. She no longer came to see us, or called us, or even kept plans that we made with her. She would rather hang out alone at her mans house while he was at work than see us. It hurt a lot. Joan and I tried for a year to keep our side of the friendship alive, but Wanita let her flame die out.
Everytime I go home now I see Wanita’s mother and she asks me why I don’t call her anymore. Why don’t I visit her. I used to just laugh it off and tell her to get Wanita to call me. I was looking at pictures of us three today. They made me laugh but I felt very sad.
I don’t know what to say anymore.

BQotD From Blog-a-Rama-Ding-Dong
She commented on my last post to tell me that now knows how to comment. What was amusing is that she put “hoe” instead of “how” so when i first read it I was all what??

Mawage! Mawage is what bwings us togeder today.

This is one of those posts that you just have to dive in to. Not that it’s important or anything, just that in order for me to write something I have to just write and write without over thinking it.
My anniversary is tomorrow – 3 years of Wedded Bliss. Bliss I say, bliss! The Hubband is taking me out to dinner (yay) and The Boy is going to a sitter (double yay). There couldn’t be a better present – food and toddler free time.
On Friday The Boy and I are going to visit my parents for the weekend and The Boy is staying there for 3 weeks! Then in April I am going to visit the coolest friend ever (shout out to Heddar) for a week of debauchery. Ha. I am so excited about this, excited to the max. Hold on to your g-string Chippendale, here we come!
This post is excruciatingly boring but that’s what you get when you let Shna loose on the computer – aka the “pacuter” courtesy of The Boy.

BQotD From WaiterRant
And if you don’t know what Soylent Green is, don’t worry.
Its organic.

Getting old ain’t for sissies.

Today is the day that the world was changed for the better. No need to thank me…. just send Cake.

BQotD from Mr. Nice Guy
*this is my number one argument against hiring a nanny: if i, the biological father, can barely refrain from strangling my baby with acid-dipped piano wire, how on earth can i leave her with a stranger that has no reflexive yen to let her live?*

How many Assholes we got on this ship, any how?

It’s a new day, or rather night – but hey who’s counting.

We are still unfinished in our quest to move all of our worldly belongings to our new abode. It seems to be taking much longer than anticipated, probably due largely to the fact that we have much more stuff than our home can hold. Why oh why do we need so much stuff? What does one do with it all? We must purge. Purge like Paris Hilton after her tic tac lunch. We must, and we will, just as soon as we stuff it all in here and are unable to move.

Our old landlord keeps forgetting to pick up the rent – now really, when money is involved who ever forgets? Just old people, that’s who. My apologies to any old people who happen to be reading this – cause if you are, obviously you are on a much higher plane of existence than those “other” old people. How many times do I have to tell her to come pick it up? It can’t possibly be that important if she keeps forgetting. Really, if that’s the case can I go and spend it all on hookers and booze, because that’s what I want to do.

BQotD from The Sarcastic Journalist
*As I write, I currently have two frozen bags of boob milk sitting in my freezer. Not impressed? Well, I sure as heck am. One is aptly labeled “mama” and the other “Dolly Pardon.”*

It’s classified. I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.

I heard it through the grapevine!
The grapevine being my father, the thing I heard being that my sister (the older and somewhat wiser one) reads my blog and can’t figure out how to comment. I have a feeling she’s not trying hard enough. That’s the way sisters are you know, they pretend to like what you are doing, pretend to care. At least that’s what I do with my little sister… what? I can’t be the only one…. ok fine then, why don’t you just shut up!
I have some hints for this sister o’ mine if she really wants to know – Hell if she’s even reading this! So Sis, if you want to comment scroll down to the end of this post and you will see where it says “another unprovoked attack from shna” then the time, then it should say something like “If your name rhymes with Dimberley – click here!” You know something easy like that – so Sis, if you are reading this then go ahead and comment. If you aren’t reading this and someone else is they can comment too. Go on it will be fun, show my sister how easy commenting is. How pain free, disease free and wondrous it can be. It is truly wondrous, and you can’t get pregnant even if you do it all the time with complete strangers, which is always a bonus if you ask me. I know you didn’t ask me, but you are reading MY blog so my word is the law. The law I tell you.

BQotD from Random And Odd
*If I had balls I could get in and out of the car with ease and I would be able to drive better. If I had balls I would be able to lift heavy things. – Yes, I am pretty certain I need to get me some balls and my life will be so much easier.*

Meow…Plankton.

So I am sitting here after a nice walk, bored and sleepy. It is freaking delicious outside. I am practically sweating at the mere prospect of summer. I lurve summer.
As you may or may not know – my birthday is coming up this month. I accept checks, money orders and cash. My favourite colours are blues, deep reds and silver. I love chocolate, books and art supplies. There that should be enough info for all of you to decide what to do for my birthday.
My bestest buddy Hedder has it all figured out! She is giving me an awesome gift. It is phenomenal, wonderful and fantastic. She has bought me a round trip ticket to come and visit her in Ontario! YAY! I am beyond excited, I am delirious. I lurve Hedder. Absolutely lurve her.

BQotD from Callaloo Soup
*When I start working again I’ll have to ask Lucas how it works, to be sure I don’t commit any faux pas by kissing (or not kissing) my male boss by mistake.*

She’ll be back.

And I am. Did you miss me? I am sure you spent many a night crying into your pillow at the mere thought of losing me. I know, it’s tough out there without the Shna. Well, have no fear because I am back.

We are pretty much all moved into our new place, just a few things left at the old place. I am so happy here. I love living downtown, I love this apartment, and I love chocolate covered raisins – but that’s another story. This apartment is small and I only wish we had found it earlier so we could live here longer. Try as I might The Boy won’t stop growing and will soon want a room of his own, but I don’t want to move again until we can afford a house. Which should be sometime after The Boy turns 20. Oh well we will deal with that when the time comes. For now I will just bask in the glory that is my apartment. Ha.

BQotD from Mama C-Ta

*Conveniently located directly across the street is, yup that’s right, Cold Stone Creamery bitch. They just opened this fall and how it would sit there tempting me. Neon lights that would shine in the night, calling my name. Mocking me.*

I don’t know what a snail would want with a broach!

I have the keys! We are starting the move on Monday, so I won’t be posting much for a while. I should be back soon with lots of amusing, but most likely boring, stories of our move. So you need not worry about that!

BQotD From Nettie
*I mean, first it was the fair. And give me credit, I didn’t know I was going to throw up when Janna said, “Oh, just one more ride.” *

The details of my life are quite inconsequential.

We found an apartment! It is right downtown, 2 bedroom, private entrance, parking, in a heritage building for a steal. An absolute steal. I am ridiculously excited. The living room has French doors, French doors for crying out loud. Ah. It is a small apartment but it has everything we wanted and I am ecstatic about moving in. You could say I am insane with joy. Insane.

BQotD From WWTDD
*Normally women are at least good for sex and going to the kitchen to bake me a pie, but I wouldn’t even trust Paris to do that. Certainly not sex. I’d rather get head from a rattlesnake. At least then I wouldn’t have to guess what treatment I was gonna need.*

Please, insert your stolen card now.

We have been apartment hunting for two days now, I know thrilling. We have only seen three places but they were all c.r.a.p. The first one was totally cute but tiny. The second was in a dilapidated old building, on the third floor, up very rickety steps – no thank you. This last one was ok – Great location, great building, but alas – tiny.
Oh well we have more to see and aren’t moving until the end of March so it’s not the end of the world. Yet.
It is just very frustrating, I hate apartment hunting.

BQotD from How to Eat Out
*If you are allergic to say, fish. It’s a good idea to inquire if a restaurants Caesar salad contains say, anchovies, which incidentally are, a fish.*

Hop inside my mouth… if you want to live.

There is a festival here called the Jack Frost Children’s Winterfest. They had 2 characters – Spiderman and Nemo visit a local restaurant today. The Boy and I went there for breakfast and I told him there would be a surprise for him. The look of wonder and astonishment on his face was priceless. It is times like these when I wish I had a digital camera so I could show you his face.

At the risk of sounding like one of those mommies whose child is always doing things in a much cooler way than your child could ever hope to…It was magical, really.

He hugged Spiderman and Nemo, made them hug each other, gave Nemo a kiss on his fish lips and told Spiderman repeatedly “you got eyes.” It was great to see him so ridiculously happy! He couldn’t stop talking about them after we left. I got a few pictures, he wouldn’t hold still for very long so I hope they turn out.

On a less charming note, when we got home The Boy asked for some toast with butter. No problem, mommy to the rescue. Made him some toast, then he wanted more. Ok, I was just buttering it when he came into the kitchen. He saw what I was doing and said “No mommy, put in the toaster!” So I told him I had already done that and was buttering it and cutting it for him. He was not pleased. More yelling. I put the toast on the table and walked away. He followed me still yelling about the toaster, then he went back got the plate and brought it to me and dumped the toast on the floor! I told him to pick it up and my darling Said “No! You pick it up!” Right. You’re welcome.
In the end he picked it all up and ate it. So much for the 5 second rule…

BQotD – From waiterrant
*My problem’s like wanting to eat the hamburger without having to meet the cow*

Hasta la vista baby.

The Boy has decided that water is the devil. He will not take a bath or a shower, and screams as if we are skinning him alive when he has to. I am surprised the neighbors haven’t called child services. I mean what I am supposed to do? I tried to sponge him clean most of the time, then give him one bath a week but even that is torturous. How long will this last? Am I doomed to be the mother of the stinky kid? I don’t wanna!
He also needs a haircut and will eat nothing but toast with butter. I’m doomed.

The BQotD is from The Chocolate Factory
* I sincerely apologize to all of the East Coast provinces for being a ninny- which by the by, should be a word we use a lot more. *

I am insane

I want to become a wordpresser.  However I do not enjoy the lack of customization here and am loathe to leave Blogger.  I am computer illiterate, but like the tiny bit of control I have over my blog.  Anyway – I want to get my own domain someday so I wanted to get my foot in the wordpress door.  Here I am, I don’t know what will happen next. 

Why don’t you come up sometime, and see me?

This is the puppet hospital and burns unit. It’s relatively new.

It seems that my plea for candy garnered attention but no actual candy. Damn! Why are my plans foiled time and time again?!
Alright, no candy. That’s fine, just fine. Perfectly fine, I am totally ok with it. Really.

Did you ever notice how some bloggers write really long posts everyday while I am over here writing these tiny little ones? What’s up with that anyway….I want to write longer ones but I honestly don’t have that much to say. Which is totally weird because in real life you can’t shut me up. I could talk all day, but I can’t seem to write as much. This is one of those things that means absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things but will keep me up at night – yeah I am that strange. I don’t even know why I would want to write long posts…short ones are just as good – it’s just something I noticed.

Well, that was one of those insane rambles that I am so famous for. You’re welcome.

And now for something completely different – I read a lot of blogs, and I am starting a new feature on my blog called “Blog Quote of the Day”. I am going to take a quote from another blog and post it here. Why? Because I can.

So here it is the first “BQotD”

*Ya, I suppose that’s not really a peaceful protest, but God damn if I don’t have a hankerin’ for some budgie nuggets.* from the Mayor of Mitchieville

See, who needs affection when I have blind hatred?

It’s not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don’t even exercise.

Some random things.

We are having a severe snow storm warning for tonight. I hate storms. I am always unprepared and worry about bad things happening.

I am going to watch “Grey’s Anatomy” tonight. I love that show – the cliff hanger episode last week was pretty awesome.

We went to the flea market today where I bought 3 movies – All Dogs Go to Heaven, The Spongebob Squarepants Movie, Dinosaur and a paper making kit. Woooo hoooo. I am such an exciting person.
The Boy and I already watched Spongebob and he is in the process of watching All Dogs Go to Heaven right now.

When I was little I entered a colouring contest for All Dogs Go to Heaven, and won a purple ball cap. I was so excited I could barely stand myself.

I’ve always wanted to write a book but I never seem to think of a good idea. I thought about a story of my life, but that would be a yawn fest. Unless I made most of it up and got on Oprah’s book club, then leaked that it was all fake and get chewed out by Oprah herself. That would make for a good story.

Saturday Night Live is going down hill really fast. I watched last week and it s-u-c-k-e-d monkey balls.

Here are three quotes from three of my favourite movies – anyone know what movie – bonus points for which character said it.

#1 – I’ve hired you to help me start a war! It’s a prestigious line of work, with a long and glorious tradition.
#2 – I’m the coleslaw king of the world!
#3 – You’re not so tough without your car, are ya?

What?! Probably some local fisherman, out for a pleasure cruise, at night… in… eel-infested waters…

Just a quick post to let you know that I have not died nor have I killed anyone. Not for lack of trying though.

Speaking of killing – it is still Comment or I Kill You Week. So for those of you who have not commented, I am warning you that I am in the kind of mood that is perfect for wreaking havoc, destruction and mayhem.

In other news my sister, Lyn put a challenge for me on her blog. Go check it out and look at number 4. Tell me what you see…she told me the answer but said parts of it are in bold so that it should make sense. However, when I see it nothing looks bold, or different in any way. So am I crazy and my vision is finally going or what?

You seem a decent fellow, I hate to kill you.

I am thisclose to freaking out.

Have you ever had one of those days where it seems everyone is out to make your life miserable? Where everyone is trying to piss you off? I am having one of those days on a massive scale. Realizing your house was built on the mouth of a dormant volcano, only because it just exploded in your living room – that kind of scale.

The Boy is making me crazy today. The kind of crazy where you want to shave your eyeballs and pluck every hair out of your nose with rusty pliers – all in an effort to NOT run away screaming.

Oh lord.

Has the fact that you’re completely psycho managed to escape your attention?

Lets play a game – it’s called Comment or I Kill You.
Well, I probably won’t actually kill you…there are many reasons why I won’t. One major reason being the whole Thou shalt not kill thing. The other major reason would be I do not know where all of you live and am too lazy to find out.

So now that we have that cleared up – I know that a while back lots of bloggers had the de-lurking week and for some insane reason I did not participate. Now I have decided to do it. I am having my own de-lurking week only I will be calling it Comment or I Kill You Week.

So if there is anyone out there reading and not commenting – be warned.
Those of you who read and do comment occasionally are not exempt from my killing spree should you choose to not comment during Comment or I Kill You Week.

Thank you, that is all.

I want a car. Chicks dig the car.

I don’t know why but I am not liking all these pictures on my blog. I know I put them there, what I mean is that I will be waiting for a while before I put anymore up. So there.

We were going to go into town today. The Hubband had a meeting for work and then he was going to take The Boy and I out for lunch. So I go to start the car and I see that the lights are on! Damn. We call our friend who lives up the road to give us a boost – it doesn’t work…now we need a new battery. Damn. Damn. Damn.
The Boy threw a conniption fit when I tried to bring him back inside. He wanted to go and is pissed that we have to wait.

Now I am tired and cranky. What a great day.

You know something princess, you are ugly when you’re angry.

As promised here are some more pics of my gorgeous family. There are more to follow even after this (!) but for now here are the siblings and their insignificant others – oldest to youngest and then their children.

Special K-

Shna’s older and wiser sister. The one who, at a particularly hairy time in her life, carried an industrial sized bottle of hairspray in her purse at all times. Thankfully that time has passed and she has merged into the smart and beautiful woman you see above. (I realize you can’t actually tell how smart she is from her picture…so shut up.)

Finn –

The one who is Special K’s man-servant. Good husband and father to my favourite nieces.

Nurse Matilda –

The Hubband’s younger sister. The one who is a palliative care nurse, hence the nickname, and a wonderful mother.

PeeJay –

The one who is Nurse Matilda’s man-slave and resident wise ass.

Pretty Boy - The oldest of The Hubband’s younger twin brothers. The one who is so pretty he can barely stand himself.

Jenny from the Block –

Pretty Boy’s wife. The one who is obviously blinded by love.

Kung Fu Brother –

The other brother in the twin set – The one who is Licensed to kill.

Jay-may –

The Yin to Kung Fu Brother’s Yang. The marathoner who ran away with Kung Fu’s heart.

L L Heart Lay-

Shna’s self absorbed Little Sister. The one who will probably not enjoy this pic. Ha.

Beetle –

Special K and Finn’s oldest daughter. The one who couldn’t be bothered to stop playing her gameboy so her favourite aunt could take her picture.

Ray-Ray –

Special K and Finn’s youngest daughter. The one who thinks she is all that and a bag of chips.

Little D –

Nurse Matilda’s son. The one who talks too much.

Little Boy bleu –

Jenny from the block and Pretty Boy’s son. The newest and so far cutest, addition to the Family.

It’s true what they say: Cops and women don’t mix. It’s like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it’ll clean you out, but it’ll leave you hollow inside.

I could think of nothing interesting to write about today. Nothing of consequence happened and I really don’t have the brain power today to make things up. So I have something for you in the form of pictures of me!

YAY!

Your prayers have been answered.

However, these are not your everyday pictures, no, they are special.

I will tell you nothing else about them, here they are.

Enjoy.

I am your father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate.

The Characters of my life.

There will be more to follow as I don’t want to overwhelm my readers with too much beauty in one sitting.

These are a few pics of my immediate family, my son, my husband, My Mom, My Dad, My Father in Law, and my Mother in Law.

The Boy – in the Terrible Twos, the cutest but most annoying kid on the planet Shna.

The Hubband – in the Terrible Twenties, the second cutest but only slightly less annoying “kid” on the planet Shna.

Mother Mary Lou – Shna’s Momma. The most courageous, tenacious, wonderful, funny, awesome mother on the planet Earth, let alone planet Shna.

Don Tedward – Shna’s Poppa. Reigning King of Sarcasm and the Prince of Spackwards Beak.

Double D Dad – The Hubband’s Papa. The Man who knew too much.

Maman eh – The Hubband’s Maman. The woman who loved him anyway.

Try not to make a mess when you die.

Simon will love me as soon as he sees me.

I am watching American Idol auditions and they are making my ears bleed.
I just don’t understand why people will tell their loved ones they can sing when they couldn’t carry a note in a bucket.

That is all.

Everything you know is wrong…

Black is white, up is down and short is long. And everything you thought was just so important doesn’t matter.

I feel like a horse’s ass right now.

I feel betrayed, and I feel like I’m not a very good friend.
I know this doesn’t make a lot of sense right now, in fact I don’t know if it will ever make sense. I will try to explain it the best I can.

Friends of mine, Jack and Dee are getting divorced. This in itself, while a horrible thing for anyone to go through, is not the end of the world. They have been separated since Christmas. Jack has gone to his parents house with their daughter Fee, and he was the one to call me last week and tell me the story of their break up. He told me a host of things about Dee that I won’t get into here, and I believed every word he said. I have known Jack longer than Dee so naturally I trusted my friend.
Today I went for a drive and decided that Dee is not an awful person and doesn’t deserve to be cast aside, so I went to visit her. I was the second person, of all her so called friends, to visit her. She cried many times and told me her side of the story. I listened to her as she punched holes in everything Jack had told me. Not only did Jack lie to me, he made Dee promise not to tell anyone about their separation until it was finalized, saying he didn’t want to get their parents involved and upset. Then he told his parents, called and emailed all his friends, all their mutual friends and told them his sordid side of events. I am sad, bewildered. I thought this man was my friend. I thought theirs was the perfect marriage. I am so sad for Dee and Fee. Fee is caught in the middle of what will be an extremely messy custody battle.

I don’t know what to think anymore.

We call this next item “The Fecalator.” One look at it, and the target shits his or her pants.

I am at a loss for new material…so that means you will be subjected to some of my old writings! Ha, there is no escape.
Feel free to critique, praise or worship, all is welcome – mostly the last two but whatever.

First here is a little nonsense story I wrote in my journal-

Once upon a time there was a young moose calf who looked just like a donkey. All the other moose calves laughed and called him names; such as “Donkey!” , “hey you look like a donkey, Ha ha!” and the like. His parents told him the story of the ugly duckling to cheer him up, but in addition to looking like a donkey he was slow, and thought his parents meant he looked like a duck. So he packed up his stuff and ran off to join the navy. However he didn’t do any research and was shocked to discover the navy dealt with water. He couldn’t swim so the moose calf who looked like a donkey met his end in the Baltic Sea.

Wow that was amazing wasn’t it? Totally, I know.
Here is a nonsense poem I wrote about my sister -

Linda Loo Who
Lived In A Shoe
And When She Got
Hungry She Ate
Lots Of Glue.
And When She Got A Dog
She Stepped In The Doo.
And That Made Her Mad.*
*and I don’t mean angry, I mean crazy…

Here are two poems that I wrote seriously.
You know it’s funny how very infrequently I do anything seriously.

-D2-
Checkerboard dreams
piercing the dark.
A long and restless night…
I sleep on the fringes.

-For You-
Love for you
Wonderful.
Description
Makes it less.
What I know
I can’t define.
What I feel
I can’t express.

There, if that didn’t make your day, you are a soulless shell of a human being.
Or, maybe you are just a normal person who doesn’t like crap. Whatever.

When the Governor gets here, call me.

I’m not sure what to write today.

I joined a book club. Now I am currently reading 3 of the 5 books I bought. I have yet to finish one, I have just started reading them all. So for the record I am reading “Talk to the Hand” by Lynne Truss, “French Women don’t get Fat” by Mirelle Guiliano and “Mary Mary” by James Patterson. Exciting stuff I tell ya. I seem to have a very eclectic taste in books.

Either that or I am just crazy.

I have been drawing a lot lately. For those of you who don’t know me very well, I like to consider myself an artist. I was very much into art in High School, so much so that I considered going to an Art College. However, I didn’t think I was good enough and never applied. So over the past few days I have had an itch to draw.

That is my life – Take care of The Boy, Take care of the Hubband, Read, Draw, Repeat. It’s a thrill ride really.
Back to the drawing – I am enjoying it enormously.

That is all.

Damn you vile woman, you’ve impeded my work since the day I escaped your vile womb.

Top Five Ways The Boy has Tried to Annihilate Me.

1. Blunt Force Trauma. The Boy woke early one fine morning and went in the living room. And what before his wondering eyes should appear – but his new Spongebob shovel (nicely made wooden handle complete with metal spade) that he got for Christmas. He then brought it in to the bedroom, climbed on the bed and tried to rouse me from my slumber with a few well placed whacks.

2. Assault. Now this one is a tricky maneuver, one must dispatch the target without hurting ones self. While I am holding The Boy he gives me a swift (and very painful) kick in the crotch, from which I stumble and nearly go crashing down the stairs to my doom.

3. Use of a deadly weapon. That deadly weapon would be none other than his very own Head. Yep, you heard me…The Boy’s head is solid concrete and when used with force can split lips and bloody noses.

4. Asphyxiation. Another early morning wake up call – The Boy decides the best way to get me to get up would be to stand directly on my throat.

5. Scare Tactics. Possibly the most deadly of them all – the Surprise. The Boy sneaks up on me in the kitchen while I am cleaning, and stands directly behind me. When I go to put something in the garbage I step back without looking -Surprise! I trip, stumble and hit my head on the wall.

I’m the coleslaw king of the world!

I was over visiting Mama C-ta and saw that she submitted her sons photos for Jones Soda Labels. So I decided that my kid is just as cute, and submitted him too. So you, my internet minions, go forth and vote!

The Boy in a Suit.
The Boy pointing at a random spot on his belly.
The Boy at Halloween – Sargent Mallard.
The Boy crying because he has hair in his mouth.

Go on….I know you want to.

In Soviet Union only after 2 days can scumbag talk to lawyer.

I have been blog surfing a lot lately, so much safer than regular surfing. I almost never fall off my chair.
I have noticed a lot of this Weird Meme…something like name 5 weird things about yourself. Well, I decided that since most of my blog is dedicated to the weird things about me, I don’t need to do this meme. However I will be doing it just the same.

So here it is 5 Weird Things about me, besides that fact that I am related to this.

1. I am ashamed to admit that at one point in my life – a point in my life where I was a misguided tomboy- that I had….a Rattail. Oh sweet lord my eyes are burning just remembering that. Hey, is that weird or just embarrassing? Hmmm, I’ll let you figure it out.

2. I have a slightly unhealthy obsession with containers. Not Tupperware containers but old tin boxes, mint tins, cigar boxes and just any quirky shaped or coloured container. I see them and I have to have them. I must own a box that I will put in another box for safe keeping. I told you it was slightly unhealthy.

3. I am a huge fan of Arnold Schwarzenegger. No, not the Governator, I much prefer the Terminator. I have most of his movies and can watch them without watching them. You know maybe this one isn’t really weird so much as sad.

4. I snort when I laugh. I don’t find this one weird myself, but the giggling and pointing I get when it happens seems to prove otherwise.

5. I am not what some would call a “crier”. I can’t cry when it’s appropriate, like at Funerals. I am that weirdo stifling her laughter and trying not to say anything. However, if someone hurts my feelings I cry like The Mayor* when he gets kicked in the balls. So in that respect you can call me a crier. Or a wuss, but you shouldn’t kick a person when they’re down.

*my apologies to The Mayor

Candy doesn’t have to have a point. That’s why it’s candy.

In the ever popular vein of childhood games – I have been tagged. Tagged by my forum friend and blogger buddy Francine, go check her out, she makes good soup.

3 Jobs I Have Had
1. Ice Cream Jockey
2. Dish Pig
3. Cook

3 Movies I Could Watch Over and Over
1. Any Arnold movie – I’m kind of a huge freak, I mean fan.
2. The Princess Bride
3. Happy Gilmore

3 Places I have lived (besides where I live now)
1. Tracey Mills, New Brunswick
2. Nantucket, Massachusetts
3. Sudbury, Ontario

3 TV Shows I love to watch
1. House
2. Scrubs
3. Criminal Minds

3 Places I have been on vacation
1. Nova Scotia
2. Niagara Falls – on the Canadian Side, eh!
3. Montreal

3 Websites I Visit Every Day
1. About Scrapping Forum
2. The Chocolate Factory
3. Mitchieville

3 of my favorite foods
1. Chocolate
2. Chocolate Cake
3. Chocolate Cookies

3 Places I’d rather be right now
1. In Ontario holding my newborn Nephew.
2. In Ontario at the movies with my Friend Hedder.
3. Some place hot and sunny with the Hubband.

3 Bloggers I am tagging
1. Hedder
2. Laine
3. Mel1

Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple.

It turns out I even suck at quitting.
I quit my blog at 10:40 am January 19, it is now 1:30 am January 20 and here I am failing to quit.

~I think I’ve said quit too much, I will have to quit that- haHAha~

I have had an overwhelming response* from the people who don’t want me stop blogging. So I won’t. Cause I love you guys. sniff sniff. My friend Heather wrote me a touching note on her blog, and Heather I just want to say you won’t be denied. You are my best friend. You make me a better person. You make me talk about farts much less than if left unchecked. You knew Charlie and his stupid shoes. You deserve a better friend.
My New Years Resolution – be a better friend for Heather, and if that means I have to suck it up -dance like nobody’s watching and blog like nobody’s reading- I will.

*my thanks to the 2 new readers who have dared to come forward –Anonymous, who could really be anyone, (and is probably my sister), come forth and comment again!
And mel1, a new blogger who just started blogging and needs some visitors, so go on over and show her the love! Do it. Do it now!

I hate to be predictable, but I don’t give a shit!

I started this blog because I was bored. I thought it would be fun to share experiences with people on the internet. Maybe make some internet friends, you know stupid stuff like that. I told myself it would be an online journal and I wouldn’t care if nobody read it. Well the truth can come out now. I can’t stand that no one reads my blog. I guess I am not funny or a particularly good writer, so what did I expect. I don’t know…I have been reading a lot of blogs lately and most of the ones I like are just like mine. They don’t talk about anything profound, just everyday observations. Anyway, I am kinda feeling sorry for myself today, having this blog is like leaving your diary open on the lunch table at work and when they find out who wrote it no one bothers to read.
Wow that was depressing….However that being said, I am taking a indefinite leave of absence from my blog. Maybe when I come back I’ll have better stuff to write, or maybe I just won’t care.

*for those of you that do read … Thanks, it meant a lot.

Bye bye for now!

Hey, maybe when I come back I won’t be such a depressing jack ass. That would probably be good.

Hey, I don’t have to put up with this–I’m rich!

I called my parents the other day. I don’t know why, I must be ill. Regardless I had a, shall we say interesting conversation which went something like this -

Me – Hi Dad how are ya?

Dad – Good, what do you want?

Me – Nothing really, just felt like talking to my favourite parents.

Mom – Oh really.
*they like to be on the phone at the same time which can make for a very odd talk.*

Me – yeah, blah blah blah.
*nothing much of consequence was said for a few minutes – don’t worry I’ll skip to the good part*

Mom – Where are Hubband and The Boy?

Me – The Boy is screaming his head off and I have sent the Hubband out for pineapple.

Dad – Mumble Mumble Mumble

Me – What? Mom, where did Dad go I can barely hear him?

Mom – He just stepped away from the phone for a minute.

Me – Oh real nice, can’t even listen to his favourite daughter talk!
* just some family teasing – we love each other really – well mostly*

* So Dad comes back on the phone…*
Dad – Shna, I was right here the whole time – didn’t go anywhere, Dick….and Jane.

Mom – Blah Blah Blah.

Me – Blah bla- Dad! Did you just call me a DICK!?! HA haHA ha HAHA!

Mom – DAD! Ha hAhA

Dad – *Laughing* I meant to say Dork! Dork!

Me – Good one Dad, you caught yourself there didn’t ya -Dick ….and Jane! Ha

Dad – *still laughing* Yeah oops.

Me – Thanks Dad. Adding insult to injury, first my husband punches me in the face, then my Dad calls me a Dick! What a great day!

Don’t touch that squirrel’s nuts!

I am brain dead today – not much different from any other day, I know. I went to town today for groceries – fun fun fun. I am such a wild and crazy guy. I have been reading blogs lately…finding new favourites. One of which is WaiterRant. This blog is well written and extremely funny. It reminds me of cooking and for some terrifying reason, makes me want to go back to work AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH. So go check it out- it’s pretty good.

And now for something completely different -

Yesterday I was standing about an arms length away from The Hubband when he came home from work. He was taking his sweater off when he leaned ever so slightly forward and punched me right in the eye! Poor guy when he got his sweater off there I am, standing there with my glasses dangling around my neck, one hand over my eye, laughing hysterically. He looks at me with a “what the hell” look on his face to which I give the ever popular “You just punched me in the face!” HaHahahhahhahhaha.

The End.

…..for now.

muwahhaaa

You’re gay because you like Coldplay.

Well I took 2 quizzes the other day, one called What’s your Social Dysfunction? and one about my new years resolutions.
The first quiz tells me that my Social Dysfunction is Schizotypal – “you display social deficits and oddities of thinking. Your perception and communication are similar to those of a schizophrenic.” wow. If I wasn’t already depressed I certainly would be now! I am in the non social side of things, but that’s just because I am shy – I never thought I was like a schizophrenic…..anyway.

The other one wasn’t really a quiz so much as a resolution generator – fun nonetheless. Here is what I got

In the year 2006 I resolve to: Invade a small county. Get your resolution here

You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!

It is Friday the 13th and I must blog. If I don’t the world will surely stop revolving.

* Warning! This post contains Farts. Smelly ones. They have been known to cause bleeding of the retinas, psychotic breaks and tears in the space/time continuum. You have been warned. *

How to write an entry for your blog is 10 easy steps

Step 1 – Think of something clever to write.

Step 2 – Recognize that your ideas are bunk and try to think of something else.

Step 3 – Are still thinking when you suddenly let out a huge fart.

Step 4 – Have a brilliant idea and start to type it out when you are forced to leave the room because you cannot stand to be in your own presence.

Step 5 – Come back 2 hours later – Idea is gone and you are left with nothing – again.

Step 6 – Realize the room still faintly smells, decide to get some air freshener.

Step 7 – Can’t remember where you put the air freshener so instead wave your hands around in attempt to disperse the smell.

Step 8 – Decide to forget about a witty, clever or insightful post and instead write about your trouble with tribbles.

Step 9 -Remember that The Trouble with Tribbles was a Star Trek episode – not your real life.

Step 10 – Go have a drink and live to post another day.

When I get angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset… people die!

It’s late. I am tired and incoherent. However, you may be saddened to note that none of that will keep me from writing. So there.

I was re-reading my list and came upon number 18. Good ol’ number 18 – Forgive someone.
It got me thinking, which is a bad idea at the best of times, but it got me thinking about several things – one of which is this – I hate a lot of people. Some I hate mildly, some I hate vehemently, and others I hate with a passion unknown in this world. My dilemma lies in this, who do I forgive? And since I hate so many, what would possess me to forgive any of them? Do I try to forgive the ones I hate the most? Or should I start off easy with someone who I hate only a little?
Hmmm – this begs a lot more thought.
Maybe this means I will have to go back to my book of wrongs and make a list of why I hate these people. Maybe I should examine the reasons and see if any of them are really worth my hate. Hate is a strong word.

*Completely off topic but this reminded me of a story – My sister and I were talking one day (way back in high school) when my sister brought up a girl from one of her classes. She was saying how much she hated this girl and then said “Ohh I could just kill her.” Completely innocently, not actually planning any elaborate murders at school – when my mother yells from the kitchen “YOU’D BETTER NOT!” Ah, my mother. Gotta love the woman who somehow feels the need to remind her 14 year old “I’m too pretty to get dirty” daughter, not to kill people.*

Well that got me off the whole “I hate everyone” kick, at least for the moment. So I will end this post on an uplifting note.

The snow goose need not bathe to make itself white. Neither need you do anything but be yourself.

-Lao-Tse

There doesn’t that feel better? Aren’t you ready now to take on the world, run for Prime Minister, (Not Liberal I hope!*) get that gender re-assignment surgery, pee in the cup, bungee jump, finally say rubber baby buggy bumper 5 times fast? Go on – you can do it – with the power of words.

*or conservative for that matter. Damn. Everyone sucks so who do I vote for?

Consider that a divorce.

Remember that time we all went to England? You know when we went to see the Queen but got kicked out of Buckingham Palace for Crimes against the Crown….Or was it crimes against nature? Whatever, I can’t remember. Those were good times, good times. It would be nice to go back but we got banned from entering the country for 5 years. We’ve got 3 years left – then it’s back to The Palace baby!
Be there or be square.

It’s like riding a psychotic horse toward a burning stable.

The true story of One Family and their struggle to not take the van out back and put it out of it’s misery. (And yes we mean that in the same sense as when Old Yeller got taken out back…)

The van is old. The van is tired. The van is, as of right now, an amputee.

The intrepid family went to town to run some errands and procure a small amount of nourishment. They were going to hunt for badgers but they were tired from the long day and opted to eat at a restaurant instead.
While there the paternal unit discovered that the maternal unit forgot to buy diapers – the one thing they had originally gone out to get. Ah well, the family steadfastly decided that after lunch they would venture back to the the hell that is the supermarket.
*several minutes, 43 “Mommy?”s, and 43 “What babe?.”s later*
The maternal unit retrieved the diapers and the happy family went merrily home.
However *ominous music begins* as they drove they could hear a disturbing sound…an evil sound. When the delightful family stopped to check their mail the maternal unit noticed a horrible burnt rubber smell. The paternal unit insisted that he had not been doing skids while the maternal unit’s eyes were closed – and so got out to investigate. The paternal unit discovered an odd looking rear wheel…distended, “bulgy” if you will. Regardless of this phenomenon the stalwart family continued home. *ominous music gets louder and Louder and Louder – until* They turned in to their driveway and where the wheel just flies off the van! The wheel had given up and lay a few feet away from the van, smoking and dying.

Now the van is in the hospital, surgery is scheduled for early tomorrow. The van should be up and running on it’s new artificial “leg” sometime in the afternoon, providing everything goes well in surgery and the van doesn’t lose too much fluid. Let us pray.

So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it. – # 3

And Now – My list of 30 things to do this year – Part Three – Because Hedder asked so nicely.

21. Go bowling.
22. Become more informed about the local political parties.
23. Vote.
24. Apologize more.
25. Take an art class.
26. Take my Sisters out for dinner, just the three of us.
27. Start exercising at least 2 times a week.
28. Eat healthier.
29. Read more.
30. Make a list of everything that I’ve done and take myself out to dinner to celebrate my accomplishments.

So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it. – # 2

As promised here is Part Two of my List of 30 Things to do this year-

11. Write a thank-you letter to my mother.
12. Spend a whole day doing something fun with The Hubband and the Boy.
13. Clean out my closet; donate everything I haven’t worn in the past year to charity.
14. Take my nieces out for ice cream individually. Listen to their problems and take them as seriously as I would my own.
15. Write in my blog more often…every time I feel like it.
16. Throw a party and invite everyone I really want to be there. Don’t worry about how they’ll all mingle.
17. Donate blood.
18. Forgive someone.
19. Buy a piece from a struggling artist. It could be worth a lot someday.
20. Have my friends over to play board games -whether they like it or not!.

So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it.

I was surfing (the net, not a wave) the other day and came across this article about things to do this year. Instead of resolutions that you know you won’t keep, make a list of things you want to accomplish. Things that will help to make you a more rounded person. ( not in the I’m 4 feet tall and 300lb sense)
I copied the list and read it over. I liked a lot of the suggestions on said list but I felt for it to be things I want, it had to be tweaked – Shna Style. I deleted some items entirely, changed a few to suit me and then filled in the rest. This list is not in any type of order, everything is equally important.

I present my list of 30 things I want to do this year. Part One of Three.

1. Paint a portrait of my son, husband, self or all three.
2. Go on a drive in an area near me that I don’t know well. Explore. Throw the map out the window.
3. Take a guided tour of the town where I live.
4. Finish all my scrapbook projects.
5. Make an emergency kit for the car. Include all the essentials: flares, bandages, chocolate.
6. Send Valentine’s cards to all my friends.
7. Make a scrapbook of a memorable occasion — a friend’s wedding, surprise birthday party or just an evening out.
8. Tell a stranger to have a nice day.
9. Make more of my own cards for birthdays, holidays, etc.
10. Re-read my favorite childhood book. (Bonus points for reading it aloud to The Boy.)

The moon unit will be divided into two divisions: Moon Unit Alpha and Moon Unit Zappa.

Woke up this morning, took a shower and walked out to the kitchen naked and started doing the dishes. Folded some laundry, tidied up the living room – all naked. Ahh, it was great. I highly recommend doing housework in the wee hours of the morning buck ass nekkid.

The woman I am babysitting for called me yesterday to say she didn’t need me – a friend of hers offered to take her daughter out to the movies – no problem, see you tomorrow.
I get a call this morning – she doesn’t need me today either.
Whatever. No problem really, she is technically my boss so if she wants to give me the day off….I’m cool with that. I will be seeing her next week – I think!

Speaking of naked ( see above) – Went in to town the other day and forgot to bring the diaper bag for the Boy. Needless to say he shat himself. Twice. So no diapers, send the Hubband to clean him off as best he can and then the Boy went commando. Oh baby, he didn’t have to pee or poop at all after that. He didn’t go till 4 hours later at home. We had company and he was so excited he peed on the kitchen floor! We are very proud of him for going as long as he did, and we think (or rather hope) that had he not been so excited he would have told us he needed to pee.

Found out that The Mayor of Mitchieville has discovered my dirty little secret. I am a silent lurker on his blog and I have linked him from mine. Nothing new really, I am a lurker on most of the blogs I read. Seems that I am just as shy in the anonymous realm of the internet as I am in real life. I know it’s stupid, and no way to make friends, but I still have trouble talking to people before they talk to me. In real life and here I still seem to need the people to make the first move. How depressing.
Anyhoo – Thanks for mentioning me Mayor, you just might see me in your ol’ comments box one day. Look out.

Three feet of angry.

Some random things for you….

Bored.

I am babysitting later today. It should be interesting, I have not babysat anyone (other than family) since I was in grade 10. And I did not like it. Other peoples kids annoy me for the most part. This will be different I hope.

I watched the new show “Four Kings” last night. Regardless of what other people say, I liked it. I guess I just like anything Seth Green. I love that guy…so tiny, so cute, so funny.

I finished reading the Coronation Street book the Hubband gave me for Christmas a few days ago. It was 1000 pages long…whew. It was good, very informative and interesting.

The Boy is watching the cartoon “George Shrinks” – about a boy who is only a few inches tall – whose last name is Shrinks, how clever. I don’t like it.

Ham Sandwich. Yum Yum.

A writer? What do you have to write about? You’re not oppressed.

I have been trying to write something, anything at all, but the “good writing” section of my brain has gone on vacation. I use the term “good” because no one wants to read something written by a person who claims that her writing skills are poor, do they? No. So I go that extra mile (or kilometer for my fellow Canucks) and lead you to believe I am -at the very least- a good writer.

Unfortunately that means that you are left with the rest of my brain, which is mostly full of Zuma, Corrie, Harry Potter, and farts.

I really can’t think of anything remotely interesting to write.
I’m pretty sure no one cares about my obsession with scrapbooking, my ability to sleep almost the whole day,
my son’s poop schedule, or my super powers – which include but are not limited to -

• Night visions
• Deciphering messages sent to me my my sleeping husband
• Translating the true meaning of Stonehenge (which I am not at liberty to disclose)
• Ability to watch most any Arnold movie and know everything that is about to happen….before it happens (I know…creepy!)
• Understanding the Boy’s garbled attempts at frenglish
• Sonic farts.

There you have it. Nothing good to write so hopefully Janet* will be back from Holiday soon!

* Janet is the “good writing” part of my brain. Yes I named her. So shut up.

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

HAPPY FREAKIN’ NEW YEAR!

Well it is finally 2006, isn’t that special.
What could possibly be more special you ask?

This!

My Brother* and his wife had a baby December 30th at 11 am. A baby boy, weighing in at 7lbs 13oz, and 21 1/2 inches long….whoooooo hoooooo. He is absolutely adorable, as you can tell from the picture above.

Don’t be too jealous, you can’t all be as beautiful as our family.

*he’s really my brother-in-law, but we are close so I like to think of him as my homeboy. I know I am wierd but I can’t help it!

I still maintain he kicked himself in the balls.

So now that all the Christmas Cheer is over I am feeling rather blue. I am officially OUT of the Christmas Mood, I even want to take down the tree….RIGHT NOW.
I won’t though…I think the Hubband would want it up longer.
Oh well.

I had a really good Christmas….
The Hubband gave me a Coronation Street Book.
Big Sis got us 2 games, Brew-opoly(Really Fun!) Shout about movies and a snow-woman in a box.
Little sis got me chocolate, Trivial Pursuit Pop Culture DVD, and Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.
Parents got me way too much….I try to tell them every year that they don’t have to “buy me” but they do it anyway. Sheets for The Boy’s bed and mine, (4 sets in all) a subscription to a magazine that I wanted, some misc. things in my sock – scrapping stickers, disposable camera, ornament for the tree.
Grammie got me an Alfred Sung Wallet (complete with money…way to go gram!), a sweater and sheets for the Boy’s bed.
There, I think that is everything…anyway the gifts don’t matter really. I got to spend some time with my parents, sisters and Grammie. I got to see my nieces… they are too cute. That’s what matters. I even had a Christmas fight with my little sister. That’s the true meaning of Christmas.

As you wish.

I’m back. Did you miss me…..probably not.
Any-hoo, Christmas was great, lots of fun, family and food.
I am tired and don’t feel like writing anything tonight.
That is all.

Let’s hop on the good foot and do the bad thing!

It is Christmas Eve, whoooooo- hoooooooo!
Anyway.
I am going on “Vacation” for a few days. Vacation? Yes that’s right I need a vacation from sitting on my ass blogging for hours on end. So shut up.
I will be actually busy these next few days (what with Christmas and all, hee hee) So I may or may not post anything. Which doesn’t really matter because there may or may not be actual people reading this (besides my good friend Heddar…love ya!) and they may or may not care at all.

I will be back, sometime.

Merry Christmas
Happy Hanukkah
Have a crazy Kwanzaa
And a wonderful Winter Solstice

Good day and Good bye.

Yes, we’re gonna have to go right to . . . ludicrous speed!

*It’s Christmas Time in the City.*

3 days till Christmas.
3 Freakin days.
I.
Am.
EXCITED.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAHhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I know you can be underwhelmed, and you can be overwhelmed, but can you ever just be, like, whelmed?

I am in a funk. I am tired. Tired of life, tired of eating, tired of cleaning, just plain tired of everything. I am not sure why but I just don’t feel very Christmas-y. I need to do something to bring my spirits back. Maybe I could make some cookies for gifts, or finish the cards I am making, or even start on the gift for my father. I am just depressed I guess, because everything seems like a huge undertaking. Suddenly making lunch seems as difficult as climbing Mt. Everest, barefoot, wearing only goggles and a pair of shorts.
I just don’t know if I can make it.

If the good Lord had intended us to walk he wouldn’t have invented roller-skates.

This made me laugh, so I thought I would put it here to make you laugh. Or something like that.

You must be a child of the 80’s!

• Your first computer was a Commodore 64 or an Atari 800.
• Your first Walkman weighed about as much as a brick.
• You yearned to be a member of The Babysitters Club, and tried to start a club of your own.
• You’ve ever conversationally used the phrase “Jane, you ignorant slut”.
• You wore a banana clip or one of those “slap on” wrist bands at some point during your youth.
• You were shocked by the controversial plot lines in Degrassi Junior High.
• You were in Cub Scouts, Girl Scouts or Girl Guides, but now you have no idea what all the badges you got were for.
• You were led to believe that in the year 2000 we’d all be living on the moon.
• You sat on your back porch, playing with your “My Little Pony”, “Rainbow Brite”, and “Strawberry Shortcake” dolls
• You still know the Big Mac song. “Two all beef patties, special sauce…”
• You think there should be a Kids Incorporated original cast reunion.
• You thought being a latch key kid was completely normal.
• You thought that Transformers were more than meets the eye.
• You totally LOVED Barbie’s cooler, punkier counterpart, “Jem” and her “Rockers”.
• You wanted to be a Goonie.
• You wanted to be either Nancy Drew or the Hardy Boys.
• You wanted to have an alien like Alf living in your house.
• Cerise pink, electric blue and banana yellow have ever featured in your wardrobe or make-up collection.
• Guys: You remember when a guy piercing his ear was radical to the max, but did it anyhow.
• If you ever said “I pity the fool”.
• In many of your childhood photos you are wearing something plaid.
• Leg warmers and headbands a la Pat Benatar once looked really cool to you.
• Partying “like its 1999″ seemed SO far away.
• Punks actually “shocked” people.
• Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you actually learned the English language.
• The Dark Crystal is still one of your favorite movies.
• You know what the phrase “Where’s the beef?” means.
• You thought eating Reese’s Pieces would attract your own Alien.
• There were days that the homework just had to wait until the After School Special was over.
• One word – Atari.
• You actually thought “Dirty Dancing” was a REALLY good movie.
• You are still baffled by the “day glo” clothing trend.
• You believed that “By the power of Greyskull, you HAD the power!”
• You can remember watching Full House and Saved by the Bell for endless hours.
• You can still sing the rap to “Fresh Prince of Bel-air”.
• You can, right now, hum to yourself the theme to ‘Inspector Gadget’.
• You ever had a Swatch Watch.
• You ever owned one of those embarrassing crimping irons.
• You ever uttered the word “Radical!”
• You ever said “Gag me with a spoon!”
• You had a crush on one of the New Kids on the Block members.
• You had top-of-the-line Commodore 64s in your jr. high computer lab.
• You have ever called 867-5309.
• You have ever wondered why Smurfette was the ONLY female Smurf.
• You have seen at least 10 episodes of Fraggle Rock.
• You have worn a Banana Clip, or knew someone who did.
• You hold a special place in your heart for “Back to the Future.”
• You knew “The Artist” when he was humbly called “Prince.”
• You know all of the words to at least one of the Schoolhouse Rock songs.
• You know all the words to “Ice Ice Baby”.
• You know how (or wanted to be able) to Moonwalk!
• You know how to use a rotary phone.
• You know that another name for a keyboard is a “Synthesizer.”
• You know the profound meaning of “Wax on, Wax off.”
• You know what “sike” and “not!” mean.
• You know what leg warmers are and had a pair.
• You know what movie the phrase, “Number 5 is alive!” is from.
• You know where to go if you “wanna go where everybody knows your name.”
• You know who He-Man and She-Ra are.
• You know who Mr. T is.
• You know, by heart, the words to any “Weird” Al Yankovic song.
• You own any cassettes or records.
• You owned a Jordache anything, or you remember when Jordache jeans were cool.
• You owned at least one Choose Your Own Adventure book.
• You played with Lego’s when they were just blocks of various sizes, not any of the special little parts.
• You remember the original version of Windows: Macintosh.
• You remember when Betamax was at the cutting edge of technology.
• You remember when cellular phones weighed 15 lbs. and had to be carried over your shoulder.
• You remember when McDonald’s served their burgers in styrofoam boxes.
• You remember when music that was labeled “alternative” really was.
• You remember when Saturday Night Live was funny.
• You’ve recently horrified yourself by using any one of the following phrases: – “When I was younger” – “When I was your age” – “Because I SAID so, that’s why” – “What the HELL is this noise on the radio?”

Why must I be surrounded by frickin’ idiots?

Yesterday in Numbers

• 1 Christmas Party

• 2 Hosts
• 1 Kid

• 13 People Invited
• 10 Adults
• 3 Kids

• 1 Kid Came Early
• 1 Adult Came Early
• 2 People Came Late

• 1 Person Couldn’t Come
• 4 People Didn’t Show up at all
• 2 People Came to Pick up One Kid – They Forgot the Party was that day

• 1 Dissapointed Host

Am I going MAD, or did the word “think” escape your lips?! You were not hired for your brains, you hippopotamic LAND MASS!

I have nothing to say. Wait…let me re-phrase. I have nothing interesting to say, but that won’t stop me from saying it.
Nothing new or exciting has happened in my life (how depressing) except that I have been cooped up in the house for 3 days because of the dang snow! We are supposed to get another storm on Saturday….I don’t think I can take it! That is the day of our Christmas Party….damn. I am too excited about it to have it cancelled on account of snow. Damn snow and it’s all – encompassing white – ness.

The Boy has taken to having conversations with himself. This worries me on many levels. He refers to himself in the third person, a lot. When he is playing in his room and I call him to come to lunch I can hear him say “I’ll be right back” …to himself. It is very strange. He will also ask me a question and then answer it himself. For example today we were watching The Santa Clause on tv and when he saw the Reindeer he asked me if he could pet them.( he likes to “pet” the tv when there are animals on it! Another odd quirk) Before I could even say anything he said “No maybe later.” Alright-y then.

He also sat on my lap today, looked directly at me, stuck his finger as far up his nose as it would go, pulled it out and licked it *shudder* while laughing hysterically. I swear the kid lives to drive me crazy.

What are you looking at? Wipe that face off your head, bitch.

Things that piss me off today. Actually most every day, but today in particular.

• Elections in the middle off winter.
• Being too poor to live, but not poor enough to qualify for any kind of help.
• Cracked fingernails.
• The Liberal moron who thinks Canadian parents will run out and spend any money we get on Popcorn and Beer. That’s just stupid…I know for a fact that most of use would use it much more frivolously. You know, for food, gas and heating our homes.
• Hennifer Hopez for being a bull dyke. Case in point(s) – Bennifer, Gigli, becoming Mrs. Anthony.
• The fact that it is just after 6 pm and damn dark out.
• The Conservative Commercials where Stephen Harper looks like an animatronic freak.
• Martha Stewart’s show “The Apprentice”. I like the show, the tasks are really fun and the contestants are bitchy to the extreme. Martha herself is the one downfall. I just can’t take that sanctimonious bitch with the limp-wristed handshake. I’m sorry Martha, you just don’t fit in. Goodbye.
• The Cold.

Well that’s enough biatch-ing for now. Good bye and good luck.

The suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

Today’s Word of the Day today is an English one. Huzzah!

Velutinous

- Velvety, covered with dense, soft, silky hairs.

A sample sentence using today’s word

Wow! That white tracksuit you are wearing is quite velutinous.

I’m just a little tense. This whole office is not Feng Shui. All the desks are facing evil.

For no real reason, other than I want too, here is a list of things I am thankful for – in no particular order.

• My Son – who brightens my day, every day.
• My Hubband – A good man, husband and a great Papa.
• Books – I love to read and would spend all day at the book store reading if I could.
• My sisters – without which I would have much more self-esteem
• The show House – I just love the character House, and the show is funny, dramatic and just plain good!
• My Friends – who keep me (somewhat) sane, because after all, they are nutters themselves!
• Harry Potter Books – I will be quite sad when they are all over!
• My Mother – who almost died a few years ago. Despite her not being the “same” as she was, I have a new love for the woman she has become. I am lucky and deliriously happy that she is still with us.
• My Father – who since my mother was sick has become a “better” person. (In my eyes at least) I use this term for lack of one that makes more sense. He was in no way a bad person or father, but now he speaks more truths and shows affection more freely.
• My Parents in law – for being relatively normal, at least compared to me.
• My extended family (on both sides) – just for being in my life and making it richer and full of colour.

And now for something completely different….

The Word of the Day

Another German one. Ha.

Horen

Hear

Sample Sentence Using Today’s Word

Da kannst du alle Sprachen der Welt horen.

You can hear all the languages of the world there.

FYI – Horen should have an umlaut over the o, but I don’t know how to do that.

Carnies. Circus folk. Nomads, you know. Smell like cabbage. Small hands.

For the past few days I have not posted anything. I could not think, my brain was (and possibly still is) mush. I have been at an impasse. “Don’t you mean writer’s block?” you ask with that snarky grin I have some to loathe. To which I reply – No, I don’t mean writer’s block, you marginally good-looking, totally malfunctioning, ape-descended humanoid. I am a ranter not a writer. While a writer gets writer’s block, a ranter becomes stuck, at an impasse, if you will. The ranter becomes suck in “A situation that is so difficult that no progress can be made”. Which brings me back to this, I am at an impasse. I haven’t had a good idea for days, or if you want to get technical, never. I have however had some ideas that didn’t completely suck.
At the very least I can say that I have finally written something down, which is better than yesterday when I ranted 7 times, but only in my head.

You keep using that word. I do not think it means, what you think it means.

I believe that my faithful readers need a dose of culture every now and then.
In that vein I introduce to you the Word of the Day.
Todays word will be a German one.
Enjoy. Or don’t, see if I care.

Word of the Day

- straight from the G – Dot!

Gedächtnis

Memory

Sample sentence

Männer haben ein gutes Gedächtnis

Men have a good memory

Now, my loyal subjects…go forth and speak!

Lose the guns or I redecorate in brain matter gray!

Remember that time that we all went to Vegas?

You know, when we gambled all that money that we borrowed back home from the safe at work? We came home with nothing but memories, a trunk full of dirt, a shovel with what looked like blood on it, several empty liquor bottles, and some lye. Those where some good times, good times.

We should do that again.

I eat green berets for breakfast, and right now I am very hungry.

Ten more random things I feel like writing about.

1. Scientology sucks. If only because Tom Cruise follows it and he is a moron.
2. The fact that there are, at this very moment, on my tv, 5 channels of entertainment shows! 5! All showing the exact same stories. I am so sick of hearing about Brangelina and Nick and Jessica. I do not care. I especially do not want to see them on every channel, for 2 hours.
3. Not having any money, again.
4. My son refuses to use the toilet. It is driving me crazy.
5. I wish I was funnier. I would rather be wickedly funny than rich.
6. I can’t believe I just said that. I would rather be wickedly funny and rich. There, that’s better.
7. I had McDonald’s last night. We went through the drive-thru and ordered a chicken burger meal and 6 chicken nuggets with Honey Mustard. When we got home I discovered Hot mustard, okay not too bad it is for the Boy and he likes it. Then the nuggets are hard and cold. The fries are cold and gross and the burger is slightly warm. The Hubband was gone so I didn’t have a car to take that shit back, but man it was gross and I was really disappointed.
8. I just farted.
9. I am obscenely addicted to Coca-Cola.
10. I like the show Las Vegas. I really liked the episode where Monica got blown off a building and dies! Hahahha.
Bonus – because no one cares anyway.
11. I laugh at others misfortunes.

I’m French. Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king.

The other day as I was blog-surfing I stumbled across this blog called 10 things I did today. This man is hil-FREAKEN-larious! I must admit that I went all the way back to his first post and read them all up to the last one! Hey, I didn’t do it all in one sitting, make no mistake, I could have but I almost died laughing. So I thought it best to spread it over a couple of days. Anyhoo you must go and read this blog. It hasn’t been updated since October (boooooo!) and I hope he comes back, but you must go if for nothing more than to shut me up.
As an example (perhaps not the best one, but one that made me laugh so hard I nearly wet myself) here is his list from 1/18/05
1. Electrocuted myself with the toaster
2. Found out that my cubicle will be available when I go back to the main building @ work because the guy that had taken it over got fired.
3. Told my friend Steve to “stop being a Jew and put in a buck for a tip” at lunch
4. Learned that it is impossible for him to do so because he is in fact Jewish
5. Found out that it is possible to flush an entire roll of toilet paper down a public restroom toilet.
6. Broke an office chair
7. Covered my co-workers desk in post-it notes
8. Discovered just how much I hate XML tagging
9. Cursed at an inanimate object (stupid Macs)
10. Threatened to kill the same object

hahhhahaahhahahhahhahhhHHAAHHAHAHha
HAHHAHAhahHAHHAAHa….*deep breath* ha
Okay maybe it’s not that funny to you but guaranteeee that if you read more you will be laughing like the deranged monkey-loving nut that you are.

Since most of you are not anal retentive weirdos like myself I will give you links to some of the REALLY funny shit -

• Even when you know it’s wrong, you’re still laughing.
• True Love
• G’Night Rangers!

So that is all for now, I swear once you start reading you will want to keep going!

I am starting to think maybe I have built this site up a little too much…..ah who cares? I like it and you had better like it too, damn it!