Say hey, good lookin’. what ya got cookin’? How’s about cooking somethin’ up with me?

Well it is officially May 31st, the day my life was ruin….I mean enriched.

For those of you not in the know, back in the terrifying year of 1985 on this very day- the spawn of Gucci was born.

My little sister.

I remember going to the hospital with my dad and bringing a toy for my new baby sis. I can’t remember for sure what it was, a bunny? a lamb? a carnivorous earwig? Really it is all a blur.

I do remember not liking this wiggly, dark haired “thing” that was taking up so much of MY parents time.

I eventually got over this…seriously like last week, and decided that in honour of her birthday I would do a layout for my album.

The year I went to college, Laine gave me an 8 x 10 school picture of herself. (Does anyone else think this is weird? You do? Good I thought it was just me.) Anyhoo, she treated it just like a wallet photo and wrote on the back.
This is what it said-

Sis,

I thought it would be nice of you to frame this photo in your apartment so all your semi-cute guy friends would think there might be hope for you yet!! hehe just kidding son! Anyway it would be greatly appreciated if you ever so kindly took this large photo off my hands so I wouldn’t have to be concerned with it! I think you have a lot of learning to do about the birds and the bees and if you ever need to talk about feminine itch please feel free to come to me with all your problems. I am pretty mature about adult issues, but hey I’m sure you of all people know that about me! Just think this is my last school picture for ever and ever amen. I can’t control that like I control everything else!! hehe I am eagerly awaiting your departure from my home and also the end of this pic, you would be surprised the effort I am pouring into this little number! Don’t forget me, get me a fake ID and remember to practice safe meat cutting, I don’t want you coming down with anything!!!

Love Always Little Sis

Anyway I took that picture and made this layout.

I printed the words she wrote out on vellum and put that over her pic so the sheer greatness of it won’t blind me anymore.

I made it so you could lift the vellum and look directly at the pic, that is if you want your eyes to melt right out of their sockets…

Ribbon!

Happy Birthday Laine, I can’t believe you are finally 13.

BQotD from mr. nice guy

*i am a scrawny white translucent honky cracker ronald mcdonald carrot-top golem albino crybaby. the sun and i? we are not on speaking terms.*

For years I thought the sun was a monster. But I am here to tell you that it’s not a monster! IT’S NOT A MONSTER!

I have a couple of things to say today…

Firstly –

I want to pump…You Up! This is The Boy’s signature pose… don’t mess with the best!

Secondly -

Remember a while back when I wrote about my old landlord, who wouldn’t give us our damage deposit back? I’m not sure if I mentioned this but I went to the Rentalsman and filed a claim at the end of April. I hadn’t heard anything about it so I called them a couple of days ago and they said that they were holding off on filing the claim and that I would hear from them by the 31st. Oh really…. Well guess what I saw in the mail today?

That’s right – A Check for the full Amount! HA HA HA! Boo-Ya Baby!

Victory is mine!

And for today, because I am supremely happy, TWO BQotD! Aren’t you excited? Thrilled even? I know, I am ama-za-zing.

BQotD # 1 from Chookooloonks

*I realized that cellulite is slowly eating my entire body, and my ass is continuing its death march down the back of my legs.*

BQotD # 2 from NBR

*How come the products I always end up spilling on myself are ones that smell horrible?*

Up to the highest height!

Earlier this week The Hubband, The Boy and I went to the park for a picnic and some kite flying. Here are some pictures for your viewing enjoyment. See all the fun we had… do you? Do you see it? Look at all the fun. Wow.

BQotD from fourfour
*Note that he used to be called “Crazy.” I love that! I mean, I concur wholeheartedly, I just wonder what he was like as a kitten to earn that name.*

Inconceivable!

So I have discovered that Blogger seems to think my blog is a spam blog.

How nice.

They define a spam blog as one that can be recognized by their irrelevant, repetitive, or nonsensical text, along with a large number of links, usually all pointing to a single site.

Well if I thought my writing sucked before, I sure do now, what with my obviously irrelevant, repetitive and nonsensical text.

Blogger also says this about spam blogs – They may scrape content from other sites on the web, using other people’s writing to make it look as though they have useful information of their own.

Well the only thing I ever take from other blogs is the BQotD. Therefore I must be a spam blog because I think other people are funny and want to recognize them.

Bad Shna.

What a way to make a blogger feel good.

Saying that my blog is a spam blog is tantamount to saying “Hey there blogger, you suck.”

Thanks so much.

And just to tell blogger to shove it, here is the BQotD from The Sarcastic Journalist
*Number of times my child vomited on me due to the anesthesia: 2
Number of times she vomited total: 4*

Everybody loves you. Pisses me off.

I would just like to give a shout-out to my home girl Kim Possible and her “bang”ed* husband. They are celebrating a zillion years of marital bliss. I would like you to know I did not forget about the very important date. I simply chose to post my well wishes here instead of calling you, so there. I am stressing that fact – I did not forget.

The check is in the mail.
I gave at the office.
Sorry, I can’t spare any change.

* This is something that refers to a very unfortunate haircut the husband received that Kim and I made fun of mercilessly. Ha.

And just because its a special day….
a second BQotD from mr. nice guy
*we don’t love our baby enough for mylar. also, when latex balloons deflate, they make festive condoms.*

*(extra bonus points for you, Kim if you can tell me where that title quote comes from)*

Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it.

It is time once again for an installment of
“What milestone, that only people with children will appreciate, did Shna’s son finally reach?”

Welcome, and thank you for coming.

The Boy is now wearing….

Drum roll please…

Big Boy Underpants!

Aren’t you jumping for joy? Standing ovations anyone?

The Boy and I went out the other day to buy his first pair of Big Boy Underpants. Yes, that is what we must call them. The Boy would actually prefer Underwear-pants, but he will settle for Underpants. We had to buy Spider-Man underpants, no others would do. Of course they are the most expensive ones out there, but only the best for my baby. Seriously, if anyone out there has a more cost effective way to get Spider-man underpants, please tell me.
So he has been wearing them all day and actually telling us when he has to go potty, and then actually goes to the potty! What a breakthrough! Before he would tell us he had to go, but when we took off the diaper he had already done the deed….ewww.
He is still sleeping in diapers, but he had a nap today in his underpants and no accidents, YAY!

That’s All Folks!

BQotD from Mama Sutra
*Such a lovely image to have as you cool a bottle for your baby…screaming hummingbirds.*

You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die.

BQotD from Mitchieville

*Forget the pageants, forget the dirty commie that stole your precious crown, there is only me and you left.*

Beauty is skin deep. A tattoo goes all the way to the bone.

Here it is the moment you’ve been waiting for! I will finally show you my brand new tattoo… Isn’t this special?

I designed a dragon tattoo for the Hubband, I scaled it down, reworked it and added a stylized lowercase “d” to the tail.

That is how this -

Became this -

That is super amazing isn’t it? Fantastic even. Its okay to be jealous…

On a completely different note, I watched Grey’s Anatomy last night and I’ll I can say is “Wha…?”

BQotD from Random and Odd
*And this is the post where I sound mature, but later at dinner I’m probably going to pat my ex’s stomach and ask him when he’s due.*

Ohh, the anger sharks are swimming in my head!

I hate blogger.

I want to upload some pictures but the bloggy blogger will not let me!

ArrrrrgggggGGRArrggaarggaarggggAAArrrgg.

BQotD from Ramblings of an Undisturbed Mind
*Even more reason for you to love and support him. Maybe you can start a support group for the owners of gay roosters. Gay Cock Support Group*

The Blogging Chicks

Hey everybody! First of all Happy Mothers Day to all you mudders out dere!
I am now a card carrying member of the Blogging Chicks Blogroll! Well actually there aren’t any cards but you get the idea. Its right under my blogroll so go check it out, and if you are a chick, sign up.
Do it. Do it now!

Damn you ice cream, come to my mouth! How dare you disobey me!

So my sister ( the younger one ) called me today, only to have me call her right back, then proceeded to give me a pep talk about how I need to lose weight.
Thanks.

BQotD from WWTDD
* They could run into a burning house to rescue a puppy who grants wishes and I would still throw a rock at their head when they crossed the front porch. *

The woman must bear children and the man must be tattooed.

A post about Tattoos.

I have always been fascinated by tattoos. My mother has 3 tiny dots, all failed attempts at actually getting a tattoo. For as a long as I can remember I have wanted one.
The summer I was 17, about a week before school started my friend JBone and I went to get tattoos. That morning we had been talking about them and I thought we should just bite the bullet and go. I told my parents that I was going to get a tattoo and they just laughed.
I had a car, we had money, and we were both equipped with a healthy sense of adventure. We had to drive an hour to get to the “big city”. Once we got there we realized that we couldn’t find the tattoo place! So we called them from the car and talked to a guy who told us the correct street and that he would be “the skinny bastard” standing on the corner. Off we went, we see a guy who could be our man, so we yell out the window “Hey! Are you the skinny bastard?”
He smiles, turns away and walks to the parlor.
We park and make our way in. Once there we realize that we are not legal age for this and for sure we do not have parental consent. What are we to do?
We talk to the skinny bastard, who turns out to be the piercer, who doesn’t ask for ID but gives us the forms and turns away while we fill them out.
There we are, JBone and I, trying to figure out what year we need to be born for this to work…should we just go one year back? After all I am 17. But wait, JBone is actually 16, her birthday is not till September. We stand there debating whether it would be more realistic to go one year or two and finally settle on one for me and two for JBone because she looks older anyway.
Then the decision…what to get? JBone has an idea already she just needs to pick a design, but I have come unprepared. I start to look at the designs and am immediately struck by one.
In art class the previous year we had held an art show where we had to post our names by our work. I had printed mine from the computer but wanted something to go with it. I looked through a few art books and found a couple of pictures that I liked, one of which was a frog.
I saw that same frog on the wall at the tattoo parlour that day.
We got our tattoos and went away saying that we were satisfied, that was all we needed.
Fast forward to now when we have 7 between us, and plans for many more.

That long story leads up to a question.

• Do you, my loverly reader, have any tattoos?
• Why did you get them?
• Do you want more?

Please do tell!

BQotD from Shatnerian
*Mmm…bacteria*

Every night he’d say that. “Good night Wesley. Sleep well. I’ll most likely kill you in the morning.”

Things that no one needs, or wants, to know but that I have a burning desire to tell.

I have always been somewhat of a night owl, I like being awake when everything is quiet. Now it has taken on a whole new level of crazy. I have been unable to fall asleep until the wee hours of the morning. Yesterday I went to bed at 3:30 am! That’s madness.
I am too old for this shit.
I don’t even know why I am staying up so late. I mean, if I sleep in the odds are I will be up late, but even when I get up early (as I did today) I find myself still awake and posting to my damn blog at 1:00 in the morning.

My eating habits are atrocious, not that they were great to begin with, but now I am eating less food in general and more junk when I do. I actually have had at least two days this past week where I didn’t eat anything until supper time. Nothing. I didn’t even feel hungry – Me! Not hungry!
Then yesterday I had chips for breakfast. The breakfast of champions I tell ya.

The Boy is driving me insane. He is the king of back talk.

My sister ( the younger, more tanned one) met Willie Nelson the other day. She thinks she is the hot shit now.
Truth be told she thought that about herself before, now she just has something else to rave about.

Our apartment has had three leaks since we moved in, two of those in the span of one week. Leak number one – on our bed. Leak number two – on my scrapping supplies in the living room. Leak number three – on our bed. Again. Let me just say -FUCK.

I like the show Ghost Whisperer. I know, I am going to Jennifer Love Hell, but I can’t help it. I watched the season finale and I did not like it. How can you kill off one of the main characters?! How is this allowed? I am NOT impressed.

BQotD from Ms. Sisyphus
*This year she allows a complete stranger to squirt drugs up her nose.*

If I had a million dollars

I would buy you a green dress, but not a real green dress – that’s cruel!

BQotD from not martha
*Yes, his first act as a homeowner was to make our place dangerous for children.*

Done and done.

Update for May 1st 2006 All items in tiny print have been crossed off!

2006 – 30 Things to do this year – In no particular order

1. Paint a portrait of my son, husband, self or all three.
2. Go on a drive in an area near me that I don’t know well. Explore. Throw the map out the window. – Went today with The Boy and my friend Jbone. We went Letterboxing (fun!) and drove all over the place.
3. Take a guided tour of the town where I live.
4. Finish all my scrapbook projects.
5. Make an emergency kit for the car. Include all the essentials: flares, bandages, chocolate.
6. Send Valentine’s cards to all my friends. – Since I completely forgot about V-Day, lets make it Christmas!
7. Make a scrapbook of a memorable occasion — a friend’s wedding, surprise birthday party or just an evening out.
8. Tell a stranger to have a nice day.
9. Make more of my own cards for birthdays, holidays, etc.
10. Re-read my favorite childhood book. (Bonus points for reading it aloud to The Boy.) – I just read my NEW favourite book “Runny Babbit” by Shel Silverstein. And yes I read it to The Boy.
11. Write a thank-you letter to my mother.
12. Spend a whole day doing something fun with The Hubband and the Boy, at a park, the beach or a day trip…whatever stikes our fancy.
13. Clean out my closet; donate everything I haven’t worn in the past year to charity. - When we moved I donated almost all my clothes and tons of other stuff.
14. Take my nieces out for ice cream individually. Listen to their problems and take them as seriously as I would my own.
15. Write in my blog more often….every time I feel like it. – Ha! Doing that right now!
16. Throw a party and invite everyone I really want to be there. Don’t worry about how they’ll all mingle.
17. Donate blood.
18. Forgive someone.
19. Buy a piece from a struggling artist. It could be worth a lot someday.
20. Have my friends over to play board games. – We have our friends Jbone and Nickelback over at least once a month to play games. So awesome.
21. Go bowling.
22. Become more informed about the local political parties.
23. Vote.
24. Apologize more.
25. Take an art class.
26. Take my Sisters out for dinner, just the three of us.
27. Start exercising at least 2 times a week.
28. Eat healthier.
29. Read more. – Oh yeah. Done and Done.
30. Make a list of everything that I’ve done and take myself out to dinner to celebrate my accomplishments.

BQotD From mr. nice guy
*we’ll be sure to mention that her ample form will keep the Gowanus Canal fish happily feasting for a loooong time.*